Simplicity

The Perfect Little Rose

2012-01-29T19:08:00.003+08:00

I saw a perfect little rose,

Lying on the ground,

Cut from its stem.

It was red,

It was green,

It was delicate,

It was perfect.

Yet it was cut from its stem.

Could you?

Could you overlook the obvious,

And appreciate the detail?

Could the rose ever be perfect in the eyes of you,

Or would cynicism magnify your in-satisfaction,

Until it overtakes your sight of fore?

Could you?

Would you?

Born To Die

2011-12-22T06:57:00.007+08:00

Our legacy is only as relevant as the civilisation that acknowledges its existence.

How are we to prove that our feet once tread the earth, within remnants of decaying organic matter?

Ever since the dawn of life; When our hearts learned to beat, as did our eyelids flutter.

Ingrained in them was an inevitable truth.

We see through those lenses, as light of verity coursed within our veins.

We chose to ignore.

We were born to die.
.
.

11. 11. 11

2011-11-11T19:49:00.003+08:00

The 11th day of the 11th month of the 11th year of the millennium.

11. 11. 11

It could signify lots of things. 1 being the ultimate position, the first. 1 being the only one, the exclusive. 1 signifying strength in a number. 1 being complete in itself.

And so, let's make a wish.

I wish for strength.

For love.

For happiness, for joy.

For success;

For wealth;

For clear skies;

For health.

I wish for peace, for understanding.

For kindness, virtue, notwithstanding.

I wish for friends, far and near.

Blossoming relationships, hearts true and dear.

Best of all, I wish,

That time does us justice,

And we live to see our wishes come to exist.

We Found Love

2011-09-23T16:26:00.003+08:00

Yellow diamonds in the light,

And we're standing side by side,

As your shadow crosses mine,

What it takes to come alive.

It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny,

But I've gotta let it go.

Shine a light through an open door,

Love and life I will divide,

Turn away cause I need you more,

Feel the heartbeat in my mind.

We found love in a hopeless place.

I wouldn't mind dancing in the dark with you,

Lasers piercing our hearts,

Conjoined as one, the bass our son,

Melting into a hypnotic furore.

Hiding My Heart Away

2011-08-29T07:40:00.002+08:00

I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done,

And wake up to your face against the morning sun;

But like everything I've ever known,

You'll disappear one day,

So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away.

I Wish I Had Loved You More

2011-08-22T07:51:00.005+08:00

Part of me still refuses to believe that you're gone.

I can feel it in the deadening of my emotions, an inherent sadness that has left my heart, but courses and throbs just beneath the skin.

I wish I could just cut it out.

It's taken a lot of work, but I've felt a reminiscence of the truth - a drop of the heart, a chill down the spine.

I wish I felt more.

Last night I had a dream. It was so vivid I still remember it clearly. To be honest, I blame the instinctive nature of our relationship. Innate, habitual, repetitive, fitted. As fitted as the outsides of my soul to the inner tendons and muscles of my arm.

I wish my soul could know you better.

Therein you lie, a ghost of an appendage. I remember having something to tell you. And just as a severed arm is imagined to move, I ran around calling your name.

I wish I knew you'd never answer.

But it takes more than pure determination to bring someone back. It'll take the realm of impossibility and the entire Universe to put you back into your fragile damaged body - for to accomplish such a feat would tear asunder the rigid fabric of our known existence.

I wish I had the power to.

Funnily enough, I was expecting it. Because I needed evidence. I needed to see with my own eyes, hear with my own ears, the silence that encompassed your absence. He didn't have to say anything. No words could describe the deafening presence of a life gone by. And we just stood there. Staring. Contemplating loss. Feeding grief off morose destitute. What was there else to say?

I wish I knew.

On that beautiful sunny afternoon, I ran around calling your name, knowing you would never ever answer again. Knowing that you would never walk through that door, never look me in the eye, never smile, never laugh.

You'll never ask me how was my day, never tell me what kooky thing you bought for dinner.

Never sit there and watch me eat, never keeping me company.

Never

Ever.

I ran and yelled, ran and yelled, ran and yelled.

Ran and yelled, ran and yelled,

Ran and yelled.

I ran and yelled,

But you never yelled back.

I wish I had loved you more

Back to Black

2011-08-03T08:01:00.003+08:00

What do you do, when there's nothing left for you; When you realise that all you're grasping at are phantoms of a prime long gone. Auburn photographs ignited by the ghosts of recollection, fuelled by reminiscence, but ultimately reduced to nothing but dust.

Everyone's going home.

I want to go home.

I miss home, I truly do.

But I can't.

I can't allow the idea that when my two years here are finally up, the time I spent in this foreign land will be nothing more than a mere dream, to form and solidify into the bane of my existence.

People have asked me, why don't I go home?

I tell them I am busy with my work; That plane tickets are expensive, that time is not on my side.

Truth is, there is nothing left for me in my home country.

What will face me is the bleakness of my future, the warm lingering of a past that has hurried me by.

I don't want to taint the memories of my childhood and adolescence with my skewed, harsh, disdainful grown-up lenses.

While I'll be welcomed home by my loving and wonderful family, long-lost friends and a plethora of hearty meals, they'll eventually have their life to live, their own future to carve.

And I have mine too.

While staring into the bleak face of uncertainty, it isn't easy to relinquish the possibility of a better life elsewhere.

Better make good use of what we have now.

Better fight hard for what we want now.

Because soon, and I mean very very soon, I may be leaving on a plane.

Back to where I came from.

Back to harsh reality;

Away from the dream.

Back to black.

What Makes Winters Lonely, Now At Last I Know

2011-07-18T17:36:00.004+08:00

Now at last I know

What a fool I've been

For I've lost the last love

I shall ever win

And/Now at last I see

How my heart was blind

To the joys before me

That I left behind

When the wind was fresh

On the hills

And the stars were new in the sky

And a lark was heard in the still

Where was I

When the spring is cold

Where do robins go

What makes winters lonely

Now at last I know

Quote of the Day

2011-07-18T17:14:00.006+08:00

"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."

-Aristotle

A lark can only sing so sweetly as it can fly.

Zzzzzzzzzz

2011-07-16T08:46:00.005+08:00

I'm starting this post at 1:30 in the morning.

I just took a shower, feeling all refreshed and clean, taking a stab at blogging while my hair dries.

Each and everyone of us lives within both states of fantasy and reality; Therein the made-up world consists of our persona and sense of self, whilst hard-hitting reality bluntly slaps us in the face with facts of our shortcomings and physical limitations.

Within this chaotic emulsion comes a coalescence of self-awareness, whereby we are born and gain a perception of who we are as a human being.

There exists a fine thread, a balance, between the two states. Our personalities battle constantly with the barrage of influence consisting of our daily activities and social lives, to maintain the equilibrium, keeping us sober and accepted in the eyes of society.

When the safeguards fail or sensors become distorted, only then shall a sense of disequilibrium occur depending on which state is favoured or overpowering.

Too strong a feeling of self-entitlement or self-gratification will only lead to narcissism; An overtake of the body's sense of physical confinement only serves to highlight weaknesses and a depressed self-esteem.

Hence... yeah.

That's it.

I have no idea what else to say.

*Well, to be honest, I do have lots to say, a myriad of stuff zipping through my brain. But my fingers procrastinate, and truth be told, they do have trouble keeping up.*

And so, here lies the hanging post of the day.

Finished at 2:00 am in the morning.

Go to sleep, you say?

I'm not sleepy.

I'm really not!

I swear!

Look, my eyes are still open wide

See?

Seee????

See?

I'm not.... sleepy...

I'm... awa...ke......

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Please, Just Stop. It's Getting Annoying

2011-07-09T09:26:00.003+08:00

No point acknowledging a person whose insecurities permeate the entire being.

It's tiring and absolutely unwarranted.

Rude.

Uncouth.

A little chaotic, but annoying nevertheless.

So go on, play your silly games.

Because I don't see the red tape that's got you bound.

The only person who's holding you down,

Is yourself.

Support

2011-07-04T06:14:00.005+08:00

When something turns into shit,

It's only because we allowed it to.

Support the cause.

We're All Gonna Go One Day, Might As Well Make It Worth the While

2011-06-26T05:16:00.004+08:00

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed

By Bronnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying)

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,long before you are dying.

We're all going to die one day.

And what we'll bring along won't be the money we made along the way;

Nor the certificates we earned,

The cars we bought,

The penthouse we owned,

The managerial post we had to leave.

The one and only thing we'll bring along,

Is the love for others,

And the love others have for ourselves.

Smile a little, don't be dour.

You know who you are :)

Hooker

2011-06-11T05:10:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna drink my tears tonight,

I'm gonna drink my tears and cry,

Cause I know you love me, baby;

I know you love me, baby.

Just not enough.

Just not well enough.

Just not enough.

I could be girl, unless you want to be man;

I could be sex, unless you want to hold hands;

I could be anything, I could be everything;

I could be mom, unless you want to be dad.

Then throw me away,

To soak in the shit of my destitute.

I'm your hooker.

Kanasai

2011-06-05T05:44:00.004+08:00

the fuck if I can smile, model and twist my body so the light from the window hits my angular face at the perfect angle to highlight my symmetrical features while carrying MY boxes. I'd be lucky I can even breathe

Kanasai, defined by UrbanDictionary as a Hokkien word meaning 'like shit'.

Well, today was really kanasai. It was kanasai like no sai has ever been kana-ed before. In fact kanasai would be putting it lightly, and I fear there may be no word in any existent language or dialect crude enough to describe it.

Today we had to move.

And move we did. We practically had to empty the contents of our room, and transfer it to a room that is similar in size, a block away. Sounds easy?

Well, it was definitely no fucking help that the freakin' procedure was so gruelling due to a 4 hour gap between the changing of rooms. A FOUR HOUR GAP.

Henceforth, the retards that we are had to sit like bloody refugees in a military camp, OUTSIDE of the new block where we're supposed to stay, to wait for the NICE, FRIENDLY, HELPFUL VILLAGE OFFICE STAFF to get their ass down to the office, and give us the damn keys to our room.

Wonderful. Absolutely fabulous.

Why treat us any better now, since you've been treating us like dogs before. I bet they've been going on like, "By golly, lets treat them like cows now! Throw them onto the friggin' field, and let us watch them graze their brains out. Hopefully they don't thread dirt into our flats and shit hay on the floor. Smashin' idea!"

Regardless of how shitty a day it has been, I had quite an epiphany this morning.

You see, I had 20 or so items to move out, consisting of two large luggages, two handcarry baggages, around seven boxes, duffel bags, sling bags, large full plastic bags and baskets filled to the brim.

And well... Have you ever seen me? Like, observed my physique? I have the shoulders of a pre-pubescent girl, the waist of a nymph and arms that hang limply like dessicated twigs. My legs are two spindly toothpicks trying to pass themselves off as usable limbs.

Darn it, and I thought I could fool people into thinking I was a girl!

Because the earth is round, therefore boys are supposed to carry their own bags. Not that anyone was raring to help me anyway. But, yeah.

So I slaved and dragged my belongings with whatever I could muster with this pathetic body. I panted, heaved, grunted, stumbled, pulled, push, kicked. Anything that could have made those damn things reach the top of the slope faster, I did.

And after an hour or so....... I did it.

It was all there. My boxes gleaming under the dreary sky, the pink/purple luggage standing proudly on the top of the hill, a testament to my effort.

And then it struck me.

This is life. Life as I will be facing very much soon. Life where no one gives a shit about what you're doing, how you're suffering. Where no one offers you a hand, unless you have a free arm to feed their mouths simultaneously as you grasp on to their calculating grip.

Everything I do, I do it by myself.

And everything I accomplish, I accomplished with my own hard work.

My blood, sweat, tears.

Those boxes I carried to the top of the hill. I did it MYSELF. And there were perfectly able guys, men who were stronger than me, taller than me, bigger than me, just strutting about as a struggled with my heavy stuff.

To be honest, this could have gone both ways. I could have sulked, cursed the world. Hate everyone for hating me, cry for being so unpopular.

Or I could just get my act up, and move the damn boxes.

Well, they're on the hill, aren't they? ;)

Karma. What goes around comes back around, my baby.

I would never wish unto you, what I myself wouldn't want unto me.

Thank you to those who helped me eventually. You didn't have to, but you did.

Like I said, karma.

Goodbye. I'll See You Around, Maybe Later, But Definitely.

2011-06-01T07:41:00.005+08:00

Pluck a bullet out of the air,

Drive it into skin.

It'll still hurt as much,

As the realisation,

Of who pulled the trigger.

People come and go,

As the tides rush to the shores,

We live in a world,

Where being stagnant,

Just causes you to be swept along in the crowd.

Change.

Is devastating.

Is unpredictable.

Is terrifying.

Change.

Is rejuvenating.

Is growth.

Is life.

We need to change.

And change comes with the need to live.

So if tomorrow ever comes, and we say goodbye,

Remember it's for the best.

Because the time spent apart,

Only allows us to appreciate the time spent together.

Ticks, Parasites

2011-05-27T18:20:00.007+08:00

Ticks are parasites that feed on the blood of animals, including humans. They transmit the widest variety of pathogens of any blood-sucking arthropod. Tick-bourne diseases include Lyme disease, ehrlichiosis, babesiosis, rocky mountain spotted fever, tularemia and tick-bourne relapsing fever.

Fun fact: During feeding, ticks can sometimes get so engorged on blood, they more than quadruple in size, causing them to be immobile.

When detached and squeezed, they explode with a deliciously squishy 'Pop', releasing blood and other gore contained within their vacuum bag-like posteriors.

Interesting yet disgusting creatures, these insects are.

It would be fun to watch how enlarged they can get on their own,

before they reach capacity,

and blow up.

Fear the Prospect, of Being Too Late

2011-05-27T08:39:00.003+08:00

Part of the survival mechanism bestowed upon us by evolution is our ability to shut out death from our thoughts. By stifling active concepts of dying within the brain, we essentially live free from the vice-like recognition of our ever-impending doom.

We are dying, yet blissfully unaware of it.

From within this induced retardation emerges the sense of immortality. In short, we forget how fragile life is.

We live life without appreciation, without thought to the person next to us. We take things for granted because we assume it will always be there.

We rob, we steal, we lie.

We hurt others not because we're evil, but because there lingers the untruth of the presence of time to make things right.

We take people to be always there, stagnant, living, in limbo; Till death decides to make its mark, will we realise it's too late.

We'll never get to say the things we've wanted to say all along.

Make right the wrongs we've done.

See their faces.

Hear their voice.

Feel their touch.

Never. Ever.

And what remains will be the dusk of their days; regrets left to ponder, words left to stew, under the glare of ignorance and the heat of mortality.

We dig our own graves, graves of remorse, with each passing moment we don't say to someone, what we really want to say to them.

So, call up your love ones, your friends, your exes.

Tell them what they mean to you, and you to them.

For fear not the shame, nor the cost;

Fear not their sentiments, nor their replies.

Fear not the rejection, nor the ridicule.

Fear only the prospect,

of being too late.

I Shall Be An Angel To Your Demons

2011-05-24T04:48:00.004+08:00

Tears.

Anguish.

Fear.

Ache.

Lay your worries unto me,

Rest your weary head.

Fury.

Injustice.

Pride.

Loss.

For I shall bear your burden,

In your sins, I toil.

Merriment.

Hope.

Promise.

Love.

Where in those, do I stand?

For now I'm left with nothing,

But desolated dreams in sand.

Memory.

Lingering.

Dissipation.

Gone.

Past these primes of glory,

Forgotten and forlorn.

There's an Animal in My Soup!

2011-05-19T17:52:00.002+08:00

Elephant in the room;

Gnawing on our ankles,

Pirouetting in disdain,

At the lazy dance we're performing.

One spin, two spin,

We all fall down,

Into nothingness,

Into tribality,

Into banality.

The elephant in the room,

With teeth as sharp as thorns,

Watching, waiting,

Seething.

Till it consumes within itself,

A black hole.

Prevailing emptiness,

Will fill the space

We left behind.

Gone, Going, Gone

2011-05-11T23:01:00.003+08:00

"Another shot before we kiss the other side;

I'm on the edge of something final we call life tonight."

Memories, encapsulated

Ribbons of light on dew

May the morning rise

Raise flight

A thousand golden doves

Silence

Pitter patter

Tick tock

Now it's gone

Here, once

Twice, not

Trivial, feeble

Brief

Tread your footsteps lightly

For fear they leave a mark

On the robust fabric of history

That you have weaved, you've sought

Memories

Exist, an embodiment

Ethereal within substance

How much do they weigh?

Their weight in gold, for you.

But for now it's gone.

Smile more

Uttered, unbeknownst

Our last moment.

Tears sketch,

Places to be kissed,

Trembling

At sites needing your touch.

Gone

Going

Gone

You're on the edge of glory,

And all I can hang on, for the rest of my life,

Is hope, for another moment with you.

Photoshop Experiments

2011-04-29T08:18:00.003+08:00

Been tinkering around, despite exams looming in... what? A week?

Call my priorities twisted;

This is my respite.

Tell me whatcha think.

http://alexandersays.tumblr.com/

Lomo-lomo, Can you tell?

2011-04-28T14:04:00.004+08:00

http://alexandersays.tumblr.com/

Will be switching over mostly to Tumblr.

Follow me! :)

Tumblr

2011-04-26T06:30:00.000+08:00

I'm on Tumblr!!!

http://alexandersays.tumblr.com/

You Can...

2011-04-23T05:43:00.007+08:00

You can change your nose,

Cut your hair,

Wear new clothes,

Pad your derrière.

You can strip all fats,

Colour your eyes,

Switch to a Cadillac,

Pretend to die.

Renounce your country,

Speak in Thai,

Bleach your skin,

A new personality, contrive.

Move your home,

Drive away,

Shave a jaw,

Change what you say.

You can change how you look,

change how you feel.

Change where you live,

with who you deal.

You can change your friends,

even your family,

Destroy any documents,

your recorded identity.

But even with the help of time,

and those tricks you connived,

You'll never ever change,

who your really are, inside.

I SEE YOU (0)

Dreams

2011-04-17T04:17:00.009+08:00

We only make ourselves to be as we see ourselves. Our physical nature is the projection of our inner psyche. We live through life as much as life lives through us, and often times, life WILL get rough.

People will bitch. Parents will nag. Bosses will complain.

And if we allow such negativity to overtake us, it will eventually overwhelm everything we stand for, only to be replaced by a wave of disgruntlement and the idea that something inside was stolen from us.

What we don't recognise is, others can only seize what we allow them to take.

And if we let them steal our dreams, our hopes, our sense of self - We probably were never grasping on to them as tightly as we had hoped.

You let yourself down because you lack belief in those that you stand for.

And over the course of time, dreams blossom, stagnate or wither with the tide; We leave this world eventually either as one who lives on through his dreams, or a crumpled shell devoid of aspiration.

And that is a mistake I hope I can conquer.

For every dream you make,

you invest a bit of yourself in it.

And for every dream you lose,

a little bit of you dies with it.

Judas

2011-04-16T04:52:00.029+08:00

John 6:64-71:

"...Jesus answered them, Have not I chosen you twelve, and one of you is a devil? He spake of Judas Iscariot the son of Simon: for he it was that should betray him, being one of the twelve."

I'll bring him down,

A king with no crown.

In the most Biblical sense,
I am beyond repentance

Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind

But in the cultural sense I just speak in future tense

Judas kiss me if offenced

Or wear an ear condom next time

Jesus is my virtue, but Judas is the demon I cling to.

Why Do Men Cheat?

2011-04-14T22:47:00.003+08:00

To be honest, the effects of centuries of stewing in languid masochism still rears its ugly head every once in a while, often taking the substantial form of a talking pig in which evolution has rendered whatever intellectual capacity or pertinent brain structure into a vestigial organ contained within its roving donkey dong.

And it's not surprising to see these creatures often holding relatively high posts in a certain society's hierarchical structure due to their innate tendency to flock together. Oh, and add the Constitution to boot, and we have a party of brain-sitting Neanderthals running the country.

To describe them as intelligent would be significantly off-kilter, as their mental processes usually progress in a way that the modern, enlightened Man can never understand.

Seriously? Men have affairs because wives neglect their responsibilities?

Really, dude, you sure you wanna go there?

[quote] "...wives are supposed to stop everything to fulfil their husbands demands... ; Husbands driving home after work see things that are sexually arousing and go to their wives to ease their urges...." [end quote]

Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. The banal existence of women as described by a bigoted misogynist, the idiotus headinhisassicus species from the genus Chauvinistic Pignae.

From their point of view, if your wife was cooking dinner for your starving family of ten and you come home with an engorged organ from looking at sexually arousing things while driving, said wife must, ONE - drop all kitchen utensils; and TWO - drop to her knees.

I mean, who doesn't feel all hot and sexy after slaving the day away changing crap-filled diapers, attending to colicky demon spawn and washing soiled underwear while in the midst of stirring boiling vats of soups and whatnots to satisfy those grumbling tummies?

Plus, we ALL KNOW that the highways of Malaysia are plastered with mega-posters of girl-on-girl porn. Pfft. That's why, instead of keeping a 10-2 on the wheel and a foot on the brake, we Malaysian men are more likely to be getting ourselves sexually aroused whilst driving back home from work.

Come to think of it, I must have been living in a different country all my life.

If

2011-04-14T05:38:00.002+08:00

If.

If if if.

We use it everyday.

'What if...?'

'If I'd....'

'If it weren't...'

'How if...'

If if if.

'If' is a strong word.

'If' is a reflection of possibilities, the divergence of choice, the prospects within the future.

'If' is the alternate truth.

'If' makes a mockery out of the gift of freedom bestowed by autonomy. The sardonic emergence of parallel living and the backtracking of decisions.

Because it vilifies our actions with contemptuous temptations, of something else worth living; doing. Of our wrong choices:

'If' be-gets regrets.

Paradise Lost & Found

2011-04-09T08:05:00.007+08:00

For if the man remained blind within the presence of such precarious beauty,

then shall his heart be reduced to ashes,

for his soul can ne'er be salvaged.

First Love

2011-04-03T08:52:00.012+08:00

"You are always gonna be my love

いつか誰かとまた恋に落ちても

I’ll remember to love

You taught me how

You are always gonna be the one

今はまだ悲しい love song

新しい歌歌えるまで"

And even if I didn't love, I wished I did;

And if I did, I'd never wish I didn't.

For it's better to have loved and lost,

than to have never loved at all.

Get It Right

2011-03-18T07:09:00.005+08:00

"What can you do when your good isn't good enough?

When all that you touch crumbles down,

'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things."

All I want,

is to just get it right.

Dieting Myths Debunked!

2011-03-11T10:10:00.004+08:00

Dear readers, the title says it all. Without further ado, let me present to you the few top big slimy fat lies of dieting and weight loss! Original link here.

Myth 1: Low-fat or no-fat diets are good for you.

Fact: Leading dietician Lyndel Costain says: 'People tend to think they need a low-fat diet to lose weight, but you should still have a third of your calories coming from fat.'

The body needs fat for energy, tissue repair and to transport vitamins A, D, E and K around the body.

Lyndel Costain adds: 'As a guideline, women need 70g of fat a day (95g for men) with 30g as the minimum (40g for men).

'There's no need to follow a fat-free diet. Cutting down on saturated fats and eating unsaturated fats, found in things like olive oil and avocados, will help.'

PLUS: 'Low fat' foods such as yoghurt with fruit usually contain large amounts of sugar (approx. 20-30% of your daily recommended allowance). Plain yoghurt would be a healthier option. see Myth 5

Myth 2: Crash dieting or fasting makes you lose weight.

Fact: This may be true in the short term, but ultimately it can hinder weight loss. Claire MacEvilly, a nutritionist at the MRC Human Nutrition Research Centre in Cambridge, explains: 'Losing weight over the long term burns off fat. Crash dieting or fasting not only removes fat but also lean muscle and tissue.'

The loss of lean muscle causes a fall in your basal metabolic rate - the amount of calories your body needs on a daily basis.

This means your body will need fewer calories than it did previously, making weight gain more likely once you stop dieting.

It's also why exercise is recommended in any weight-loss plan to build muscle and maintain your metabolic rate.

Claire MacEvilly adds: 'Fasting can also make you feel dizzy or weak so it's much better to try long-term weight loss.'

PLUS: Crash dieting causes you to starve and can lead to full blown binges when your resolve weakens, which will then rack you with guilt, thus repeating the whole cycle.

Myth 3: Food eaten late at night is more fattening.

Fact: Many diets tell you not to eat after a certain time in the evening. They say the body will store more fat because it is not burned off with any activity.

A study at the Dunn Nutrition Centre in Cambridge suggests otherwise. Volunteers were placed in a whole body calorimeter, which measures calories burned and stored.

They were fed with a large lunch and small evening meal for one test period, then a small lunch and large evening meal during a second test period.

The results revealed the large meal eaten late at night did not make the body store more fat.

It's not when you eat that's important, but the total amount you consume in a 24-hour period.

Lyndel Costain adds: 'It is true that people who skip meals during the day, then eat loads in the evening are more likely to be overweight than those who eat regularly throughout the day.

'This may be because eating regular meals helps people regulate their appetite and overall food intake.'

PLUS: A regulated appetite helps your body burn more calories compared to a starved or a state of irregularity, since your body will be poised to ready itself for starvation by generating more fats as a food store.

Myth 4: Fattening foods equal rapid weight gain.

Fact: Believe it or not, true weight gain is a slow process. You need to eat an extra 3500 calories to gain one pound of body fat (and vice versa for losing it).

Lyndel Costain explains: 'If the scales say you've gained a few pounds after a meal out, it's largely due to fluid, which will resolve itself - as long as you don't get fed up, and keep overeating!

'A lot of people feel guilty and think they've blown their diet if they eat rich foods. But, how can a 50g chocolate bar make you instantly put on pounds?

'For long-term weight control, balance high-fat foods with healthy food and activity.'

Myth 5: Low-fat foods help you lose weight.

Fact:

'Low-fat' or 'fat-free' doesn't necessarily mean low calorie or calorie-free, warns Lyndel Costain.

Check the calorie content of foods, especially cakes, biscuits, crisps, ice creams and ready meals.

Extra sugars and thickeners are often added to boost flavour and texture, so calorie content may be only a bit less, or similar to standard products.

Foods labelled low-fat should contain no more than 3g fat per 100g.

'Watching the quantity is important,' adds nutritionist Alison Sullivan. 'People tend to have half-fat spread but then use twice as much.

'And things like fruit pastilles may be low in fat, but are high in sugar which turns to fat.

'With low fat foods, look to see where else the calories might come from.'

PLUS: Simple mathematics. Binging on two bars of chocolate stating to contain 50% of sugar from the original is equivalent to one original bar. Remember: MODERATION IS KEY.

The River That Ate Me

2011-02-27T19:06:00.010+08:00

Water lapped against the banks of rivers,

Flowing nether fickle skies;

Whilst the moon aglows and stars a-flicker,

Where dost goes their shadows, trickle?

For the grasped moon can ne'er be held,

Nor the stars that shine so bright;

Even so, why do monkeys come,

Trying to catch the light?

Drown, drown drown;

One by one by another.

Fleeting, chaotic, serene and silence;

Between realms of dreams torn asunder.

For they forget, hast the water depth;

For they forget, hast the water strife.

Lest they forget, the essentials of nature;

Hence they pay with life.

All I Can Do Is Try

2011-02-23T06:53:00.007+08:00

Did those times exist?

The late nights, the laughter, fatigue, dinners.
Our sore arms, injured bodies.
Smiles plastered on weary faces.

Were they recorded on the sandstones of time; Or are they a figment of imagination?
A notion in my memory, too proud to manifest itself in reality.
A heyday gone sepia.
A passing.

Inconsequential has the ever pressing present reduced the past;
Till doubt overtakes, And ceases to be.

You could be a sweet dream, or a beautiful nightmare.
Either way,
I don't ever want to wake up from you.

If I Die Young

2011-02-17T18:19:00.006+08:00

"It's funny when you're dead,

How people start listening.."

Valentine's Day Drama

2011-02-15T19:13:00.001+08:00

Change Yourself

2011-02-14T01:54:00.006+08:00

They said, 'Change yourself.'

I asked, why?

They said, 'Something is very very wrong with you'

'Change yourself, or we won't accept you.'

That night, I managed to subdue it. To bind it.

To tuck it away in a corner where it could do no harm.

Now it's back.

But I can't bring myself to stab it in the heart.

Don't Be A Drag, Just Be A Queen

2011-02-12T23:15:00.004+08:00

No matter gay, straight or bi
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive

No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to be brave

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Londonium

2011-02-12T08:16:00.004+08:00

Theoretically

2011-01-27T00:00:00.005+08:00

About god.

If god is omnipotent, with the capacity to know everything infinitely, then how does he answer your prayers?

Changing the course of an event through an intervention would mean steering unto grounds unknown, with which the consequences cannot be predicted.

Hence, if god can even interfere slightly with out world, then he cannot account for his actions, since then he wouldn't know what the outcomes would be.

Theoretically, if god DOES intervene in the lives of muddled humans and he's said to know everything infinitely, it would result in him knowing what his actions will be.

In short, the very befuddled god will now know what he's going to do indefinitely and will be day-clear as to the aftermaths of all his actions.

Which then leaves him, with no free will.

Think about it.

Assumption

2011-01-11T21:08:00.005+08:00

as·sume/əˈso͞om/Verb

1. Suppose to be the case, without proof: "afraid of what people are going to assume"; "reasonable to assume that such changes have social effects". (from Dictionary.com)

Such is the official definition.

But has anyone ever told you,

When you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME?

Well, mostly you make an ASS out of yourself. It's just that you're assification probably involves a poor bystander, which just drags people down with you.

So be a dear, and please don't embroil the innocent in your idiotic ways.

Thank you.

Smirk

2011-01-08T07:44:00.004+08:00

Flutter, flutter;
Hearts coalesce.
Fusion or reflection?

Beaming, regaling;
Triumphant.
Emotion or caricature?

Extension of arm;
A perfect definition.
Empathy or obligation?

Happiness?

A comedic tragedy,
more like.

Alex's Rambunctious Rant - New Year Style!

2011-01-05T05:38:00.002+08:00

Yes, my dear readers! It's that time of year again! (Or month, whichever your cantankerous preference.)

It's *drumroll please* ----- MY REGULAR RANT!

Now, obviously I've been on rant hiatus for quite awhile now, as, you know, I was focusing more on the positive things in life, trying to rediscover my zen and hone the flow of my Chi into central life force energy, allowing me to transcend mortal limits and gain enlightenment.

Ahhh, bullcrap.

I've just been lazy.

And now, since one of my New Years resolution is to 'pick that A$ of that chair and do some NUTS' (quite literally), well, NUTS is what I'm gonna get on here.

It's that time of the year again folks. New Year. A time where everyone is commercially psyched to feel like they're getting a new beginning (and hence to 'lose weight', AGAIN, and by losing weight means getting the new Vibrational Power Plate which costs $2999.99, not including shipping and delivery costs.) - when in fact what all these suckers are doing is roping themselves into a never ending vortex of wishful thinking and exponential failing.

Why so cynical, you would ask?

Well. I'm guessing you would grow up into a hopeful young bean, full of desire and joy, optimistic, a go-getter, 'Never say never!' kinda fella.

That is, unless, you grew up in my family.

You see, new year in my extended family is a sardonic celebration of sadism, occasionally punctuated by shrill whines of materialism, accompanied by an endless buffet of bad parenting complemented with a bottle of vintage loathe.

And, oh yeah, throw in the crazy alcoholic aunty to boot.

There you have it. A cocktail of fucking misery.

EVERY SINGLE YEAR, we have the annual 'discussion' about funds. MONEY. Stakeholder SHARES. DIVIDENDS. And Oh-my-fucking-Gaga, if anybody mentions LIQUIDATION, I swear liquids WILL come out ON YOU.

Oh oh oh, and that's not it. Once the assets are divided and done, then comes the annual dinner. Ohhhhh yeesssss. The ANNUAL DINNER.

When you have three crazy grand-aunts, all in differing stages of dementia, a gold-digging whore for an aunty and various other debaucheries dressed up in the form of great-uncles, cousins and in-laws, well, you have a bad family.

And when you them put together in a room,
with FOOD,
and ALCOHOL.

God save you.

AND if you think the old ones are bad, lets just say Hell has more than one surprise up its diabolical sleeve. Ever seen parenting gone totally haywire? Ever seen more maids in one room than there are employers? Ever seen that amount of maids fail to control that extent of crazy parenting? No? Don't mind popping in for a drink some time. I'm sure it'll blow your mind.

Oh, and don't get me started on Christmas.

Yes. I think this rant is waaaaaay overdue.

Christmas, a time for giving, and sharing, and presents under the mistletoe, and whatever jolly good wholesome crap.

Lemme tell you something. Gift giving is an art. Not everybody gives good gifts. Thought, time and money must be invested in every present since each individual is different in their wants and needs.

So here it is.

Giving me a bag of pasar malam cookies does not count as a suitable Christmas gift. Nor does a box of Panda biscuits.

What in the world were you THINKING, when my MOTHER breaks her back every year just to find the most elaborate gifts for YOUR children, and all you gave me one year was a stack of coloured paper, with instructions on how to fold paper planes.

HOW TO FOLD FUCKING PAPER PLANES.

You know who folds paper planes? The crazy. Yeah. The psycho, schizophrenic, loonies. The ones high on some abhorrent neuro-drug, who taste freaking sounds and get this, are naturally psychedelic. Yeah.

So NO. I won't fold paper planes with 'different coloured papers' (Your words) and fly them around the HOUSE when I am... I dunno... EIGHTEEN FREAKIN YEARS OLD.

Cap that off with the SNAKES AND LADDERS you got for me last year. Wow, you must really think I'm retarded.

So this year, I told my mom, hold up, I want everything in CASH. Cold hard cash, redeemable for anything my heart's desire.

What did I get?

A cookbook.

Seriously. Aside for being retarded and obviously mentally incapacitated, do I look like GODDAMMED MARTHA STEWART? Heck, if I WERE Martha Stewart, I would have WRITTEN my OWN DAMN COOKBOOK, not buy it from the rack like those posse of wannabe chefs.

Listen, if I needed a cookbook, to cook FOOD to EAT, I would either BUY a cookbook so that I can LEARN to cook, or I would have just starved to death.

Either way, it would not have equated to my state of emotions today.

So yes. New year, new beginning, blahblah shit. Same old pile of beeswax every year.

But this year I'll miss all the drama. I'll miss out on my grand-aunt quarreling with my other aunts after having her glasses of XO neat. I'll miss out on my highly obnoxious cousins running around screaming with PSPs in hand, hired help in tow. I'll miss out on the bitching, and who was wearing what; the snide remarks, the children-bragging; the eye-rolling, fake-smiling, backstabbing, wealth-comparing materialistic bunch of goons I call family.

And I've already missed out on the bunch of shitty presents waiting for my when I get back.

Dammit.

I miss home.

Year In A Post

2011-01-02T08:16:00.004+08:00

2010 has come and gone, just like *snap!*

Time really flies. It's amazing yet terrifying.

I apologize beforehand if my sentences are slightly more jumbled than usual and are rather incoherent. My brain is superiorly whacked out.

Back to the topic. 2010. Wow...

That was bloody fast.

Honestly, where did you go? Are you still hiding around, under the floorboards, waiting to spring up and yell 'April Fools!' ?

Gosh...

What was 2010?

2010 was a year of changes. It was the year I entered a fifth of my life. A transition to adulthood. I can't go around saying . 'You know what, fuck them! I'm still a teen, I can do that!'

Cuz I'm not anymore.

I have so many emotions tied up into that year, I can barely express myself now. I don't know where to start.

All I can say is this.

We had a good run, and now we have a new start. Let's make this into something, and turn this motherfucka around!

2011, you betta hella rock. :)

May Hwa

2010-12-29T02:23:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

May Hwa, if God or a radioactive spider ever granted you the power to read minds, you'll realize how much happiness you bring to others, and how much others love you.

I don't have any such abilities, but I do know one thing...

You're a GOOD FRIEND INDEED. ;)

Have a great one!

My Propensity to Believe - My Pain is Just Too Real

2010-12-18T07:16:00.002+08:00

A few days ago, you let me believe in the propensity of human beings to do good 'as perceived'.

Why don't you allow me faith in the propensity of life to be, at the very least, just?

Why do you let good people suffer, while spoiling the corrupt to wallow in their glorified sins?

Why, why, WHY???!!!!!!!

You've pulled a shroud over everyone's eyes. You've tipped the scales of the universe, causing any return to equilibrium a miracle attributable to your omni-ence.

You're a charlatan. A fake.

And it hurts.

It really hurts.

It hurts because you may not be as represented by the perverse minds of religion.

It hurts because you may not have our common human mentality in which we function and understand.

It hurts because you may not even exist.

And then what?

Do we blame it on chance? On contingency? On luck?

Do we curse biology? Chemistry? Pollution? Free radicals?

What?!

You tell me.

What.

I don't want it to end. It shouldn't end like this. No one deserves it. Especially one who doesn't deserve it.

How could you?

How could you????

HOW COULD YOU??!!

It hurts.

It really hurts.

It hurts because ultimately,

There's no one to blame.

Talking to the Moon

2010-12-14T06:10:00.007+08:00

At night, when the stars light up my room,
I sit by myself,

Talking to the moon,
Tryin' to get to you,
In hopes you're on the other side,
Talking to me too.
Or am I a fool, who sits alone,
Talking to the moon.

Do you ever hear me calling?

Angels

2010-12-07T06:34:00.002+08:00

Angel (ān'jəl) n.

A typically benevolent celestial being that acts as an intermediary between heaven and earth.
A guardian spirit or guiding influence.
A kind and lovable person. One who manifests goodness, purity, and selflessness.

I believe in angels.

Do you?

:)

Talent

2010-12-06T04:22:00.004+08:00

What can I say? I'm liked.

Talent is when you like what you do.

Talent is when the whole world likes what you do.

Talent is when you don't know the whole world likes what you like to do.

That's talent.

Because once you know the world likes what you like to do, you do what you like to do because the world likes it.

You do what the world likes.

And that's not talent.

*Lol. To tell the truth, I have no idea what I'm talking about. See, now THAT'S talent.*

Story of a Friend

2010-12-02T04:59:00.004+08:00

I once had a friend, who was quite an asshole, growing up. We shared the same class during our primary school years and were pretty chummy.

He was prone to hitting people, so our classmates generally stayed away from us. I admit, even I was freaked out sometimes by his weird violent outbursts.

One day, while we were in fifth grade, our Geography teacher announced that he was looking for a class representative, and invited the class to nominate a few candidates. Our class monitor was pointedly instructed to recommend someone as well, in regard to her position.

Caught in a corner, she panicked and found a perfect scapegoat in my friend. The whole class laughed.

Voting then commenced. Names of the candidates were stated, and the class was supposed to vote by raising their hands. Simple stuff for us kids then.

One by one by one. The number of raised hands were tallied with each holler of a name. People were gesturing, crowding, trying to put in an extra vote or two.

And then it was his turn.

When his name was read out, silence. It was miraculous. We weren't dubbed the noisiest class for nothing. But at that moment, I swear you could hear a flea sneeze.

So I raised my hand.

Like the mast of a desecrated ship lost in a sea of discontentment, my vote, my single vote - the only vote - was swept away by the huge tidal wave of silence that ensued.

Even the class monitor glanced at him apologetically, as if to say 'Sorry, dude. Left you hung out to dry, eventhough I knew you'd be humiliated. I guessed right. Forgive me?'. A few nervous laughs broke the fine mesh of awkwardness, accentuated by the teacher calling out the next name. The atmosphere immediately lightened up.

I looked over. He seemed fine, just smiling and being himself.

But I knew he was devastated inside.

And as accounted for, he told me, a few years later, that experience changed his life; As you will see if you continue reading.

After that day, he didn't seem the same person anymore. It was... epiphanous, if ever a word to describe it were invented. He changed. He started acting nicer, started buddying up with the 'cool' kids, generally being your all-round popular guy.

It worked. It really did work.

He was popular, and smart and was even crushed. *The last being quite an accomplishment for a primary school kid, if I may add* He was invited to parties, outings; Affable, charming, the class rebel - Honestly, it was hard not to love.

There you had it. The misfit turning over a new leaf, being somebody everyone thought he couldn't. The loser rising to pack head.

However, as the seasons change so do people. After leaving our primary school behind, things started to deteriorate.

One thing I would like to clarify - Puberty is one hell of a vengeful bitch. She'll grab your innards and practically turn you inside out, until you have no recollection whatsoever and lose your sense of direction before you can even begin to say 'hair!'

We were angsty pimply teens, mad at the world, hated our parents, bladiblada. But he... he was different. While the rest of the class were comparing porn notes and hand positions, he stopped... caring. While we swapped awful stories about our hell-sent siblings, he stopped feeling. Stopped relating. In retrospect, he stopped giving a damn. About everything.

The cool rebel was devolving into something worse than he ever was before.

He was slowly evaporating his sense of self.

During this period of time, we drifted farther and farther apart. I mean, how could you relate with someone who had forgone his capacity to connect emotionally with another?

It was in one of those days, when I asked him, what happened? and he told me how he felt about that fateful day.

How he had worked so hard to get everyone to like him.
How he had turned himself into something he could not get used to.
How it nearly destroyed him.

'I really don't care anymore, dude.'

I asked him, why?

'It's too hard to please the whole damn world.'

I pffftt him off, and dismissed his whole argument as the hormones talking in its entirety.

Little did I know, those words of his would still ring in my head, till this day.

He died a few days later.

Do I miss him? I certainly do. Suffice to say, I missed the him he used to be, or was trying (and successfully was) to be. Honestly, I still do not know, till this day, the real him. Maybe one day, I'll be epiphanous as well, finally realizing. Maybe I won't.

At times, I do catch a flicker of him. In myself, in the people I talk to, in the man on the street.

The boy who wanted to fit in, but didn't have the capacity to be like everyone else.
The boy who learned to love, but loss the will to care.
The boy who was lonely.

The boy who was special.

R.I.P, till we meet again.

Disenchantment - Hidden Hearts

2010-11-29T05:08:00.005+08:00

Colossians 3:11
"Here there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all."

We bleed red, and hurt pain.
We weep sorrow, and belch disgust.
We feel as much love;
As we do hate.

Just like you.

Don't tempt us.

Wind, Water, Clouds & Cold

2010-11-27T06:38:00.004+08:00

Ever felt how your life could have turned out if only you had 'gone-getta', so to speak?

Today was a day of epiphanies, what with the interlocking coincidences that potentially enabled our lives to cross paths anyhow, albeit the precipitation of a doppelganger-ed decision.

Is this fate?

Minds are as fickle as the iridescence of a butterfly wing. Had we chose a different life then, our lives would inexorably be intertwined together regardless.

Is this fate?

And as I write this, snow is falling.
Each flake an intricate design true to the rigidity of algorithms and geometry, yet never the same; Fluid in its formation, leaving without a whisper.
Mimicry of the human journey within the confines of a water droplet.

We descent down the sky of time, each a path that can never be repeated, eventually disappearing, traceless.

And we wonder, what if the wind had blown the other way?

To Dissect My Emotions

2010-11-21T23:38:00.005+08:00

A beautiful picture, taken by a super talented photographer
*Slightly blurry due to the fact that I took it from Facebook.*

It was a fun day!

On another note:

I'm missing something.

It's like there's this empty hole in my heart, its presence ever the more profound by its invisibility, gnawing away at the threads that hold my fragmented psyche together.

I miss something. But, what?

Why does my heart ache so?

Have you ever had a dream? One in which you wake up from knowing what it is that concluded, yet you never could pinpoint its details?

One in which the emotions linger, but you never could remember?

That's how I feel.

Pondering...

Two-Face: Only A Batman Dilemma?

2010-11-18T06:42:00.002+08:00

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

:)

Glasgow, Scotland

2010-11-16T04:35:00.003+08:00

Glasgow is a drear. There I said it.

If cities were to ever take up ethereal forms and walk the face of the earth, Glasgow would be the weird-ass emo kid who throws stones at cats and have scratch marks on his wrists; who happens to also have an unlimited supply of black mascara and a wardrobe consisting of two tones - black and blacker.

Seriously, it's friggin' cold already. What's up with the rain? And the 'lights out' at 4 in the afternoon? Dude, I know you're brooding, but really? Is your life THAT messed up?

Oh, and the WIND. Don't even get me started on that. Arctic winds. Winds that blow from the freakin' Arctic, where everything is basically ice, snow and/or frozen.

Geez.

And then, you get nights like this.

Balmy nights. Nights that make you want to look up at the endless expanse of Universe enveloping the midnight blue sky.

Nights that make you feel, maybe everything will be alright. Nights that are cool, but not too cold. Warm, yet not too hot.

Nights that are perfect.

And it's these glimpses of perfection, that makes the flaws okay. It's these glimpses that make the wait worthwhile.

Maybe, if you give that emo kid a chance, he'll give you a smile.
And you'll realize that, despite his exterior;

He's really beautiful inside.

I Love You, And I'm Gonna Say It Out Now

2010-11-13T04:32:00.003+08:00

Alright. You're totally cruel, pulling me along like this. You come and you go, and when I'm not with you, I feel like a part of me is missing.

I just have to get it out of my system. Not being with you is too much for me to bear. Every picture, every thought, every touch, reminds me of you, and the time we spent together. I tried to forget about you. It's definitely not working.

And it's hurting me.

It hurts to know I won't be able to walk under your radiance.

It hurts to know I won't be able to feel the soft caresses of your touch.

It hurts, because in your arms, it is then when I am home.

I love you. Truly and dearly, and no one can take that away from us.

I love you,

Malaysia.

Who Died, and Made You King of Anything

2010-11-12T01:15:00.003+08:00

I am totally in LOVE with this song right now! :D

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Ride off into your delusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe

Wahaha! You're OLD!!!

2010-11-09T08:40:00.003+08:00

Hitting the big TWO-ZERO, eh?

You're practically in middle-middle age!

Lim Chiew Vien, Cheah Kit Yee and Amylene Yap,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

Gratitude

2010-11-09T06:10:00.004+08:00

Dear all,

List down five (5) instances that occurred today in which you felt you were blessed or that you have reason to be thankful for.

To whom it may concern,

These are my five (5) things:

Today I managed to present everything I had prepared for during the Controlled Drug case law presentation.
Today a dear friend of mine cooked chick-kut-teh for dinner, which was delicious and also a familiar taste of home.
Today, my friends and I had a great conversation in which we laughed and laughed.
Today is my friend, Amy's birthday, and tomorrow will be Kit Yee's and Chiew Vien's birthday. More cake, yay!
Today, I felt happy.

Thank you for reading. :)

Seasonal Affective Disorder

2010-11-04T05:49:00.003+08:00

Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as the 'winter blues' commonly occur during the winter months of September to April, particularly during the deepest of the season.

Symptoms:

Depression
Sleep problems (insomnia/ sleeping too much/ at odd hours)
Lethargy
Overeating
Physical symptoms (infections, joint pain etc.)

Causes:

Lack of bright light during winter. Nerve centres in our brain controlling our daily rhythms and moods are stimulated by the amount of light entering the eyes. As night falls, the pineal gland starts to produce a substance called melatonin that tells our body clock it's night time; bright light at daybreak is the signal for the gland to stop producing this melatonin. But on dull winter days, especially indoors, not enough light is received to trigger this waking up process.Light is also linked to serotonin (also known as or 5HT), a neurotransmitter in the brain.

Treatment:

Get as much bright light everyday as possible. The preferred level of light is about as bright as a spring morning on a clear day and for most people sitting in front of a light like this for around 30 minutes a day will be sufficient to alleviate the symptoms. You don't have to stare at the light, so you can watch TV or read or similar, just make sure that light reaches your eyes.

For more information, click here.

We Cry and Cry, Yet Burdens Can't Pass Through Tear Ducts

2010-11-03T00:49:00.006+08:00

Maybe it's becoming too heavy, maybe it's taken THIS long to sink in.
Maybe it's normal, maybe it's not.

Regardless, a good cry is just what the doctor orders in situations like these.

Crying is like getting drunk.
We get a temporary high from expressing our emotion at its pinnacle, and for once, we let go of our barriers.
(Plus, the hyperventilation kinda leaves your brain oxygen-deprived and struggling to remember what actually happened - hangover sans the unpleasant painful symptoms)

The morning after, our problems will still exist, as strongly as ever.

But at least we get a release.

*Obviously minus the alcohol addiction, although we may get hooked on self-pity.*

You know the phrase - That a picture "speaks a thousand words".
That's cause, regardless of what we say or do, our colours speak on our behalf.

Our colours define us.

Our colours define how people define us.

And our colours will make sure, we always stand out.

"Do what you like, and say what you feel;
Because those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter"

Amen to that, bro.

Late Night Pondering

2010-10-26T09:18:00.002+08:00

Just came back from a Scottish pub crawl. Maximum alcohol, with minimum clubbing.

A little alcohol is fine, but I probably won't make it my choice highlight.

Dancing though.... That's a different story altogether :)

My white leather Polo shoes were totally destroyed, what with all the grime and sticky gooey liquid that happened to chance on it.

So I wiped it with kitchen towels and plain ol' tap water.

We can wipe things away. We can get rid of dirt, remove muck, scrub stains. We can use water, we can use soap. Or we can go hardcore and end up with bottles of hydrogen peroxide and bleach.

We can try to take away those that leave a mark on us.

But those marks eventually leave a scar.

No matter how much I tend to those shoes, one day the white won't be white anymore, the leather not-so supple, the soles slippery.

One day, the shoe will wear itself out from cleaning.

And so will we.

Truth

2010-10-25T22:27:00.003+08:00

I don't want to start scheming within deep mires in which my foot may be entrapped in when I lose my direction later on.

Let's just be truthful.

We don't have to shout it from the rooftops, but we don't have to lie and connive around either.

Raise your head. Those that hang theirs are often weighed down by their own conscience.

So, enough.

What will be, will be.
It's time to live and just let live.

Chasing Pavements

2010-10-13T06:34:00.002+08:00

I've made up my mind,
don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right,
don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know
This is love

But if I tell the world,
I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I'd end up with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

I build myself up
and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops
and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep on chasing pavements
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Just You Wait and See

2010-10-08T03:18:00.003+08:00

I'm an emotional wreck.

But I have my goals.

I'll be different.

I promise.

Wait for me, Malaysia.

Just you wait and see.

Tears

2010-09-26T04:49:00.003+08:00

The heart only obsesses with what it craves; the mind is empowered by the possibility of loss.

It comes at a time in our life, where crossroads forces us to face inevitable choices that will eventually dictate our upcoming paths and illuminate the prospects of insecurity.

It is times like these when we suck it up.

We promise to be strong.

We promise to to not back down.

We promise to not cry.

Perhaps, strength can only be mustered by the awareness of the vulnerability of tears.
.
.
.
.

Fathoming the Intricacies of Memory & Longing

2010-09-13T00:06:00.007+08:00

Life is funny in a satirical, almost ironic way (albeit with diluted sadism) when reminiscing on yearnings that affect us in a positive manner.

In one part or another, today or tomorrow, we break through of the phase we've grown accustomed to. We move on, we evolve; we develop, we advance.

Changes occur as the natural progression of existence.

I realize that one day, I'll leave.

As I lay in my bed, I decided to mull over thoughts that I've kept consciously suppressed until now. Thoughts that have the capacity to bring on floods of reaction, each correlating to their subsequent emotion in the plethora that will soon manifest.

I asked myself, "What will I miss when I leave this country?"

What is it of my past, that will sustain my future, when my present ceases to be current?

Of course, my social-conditioned mind pressed on about 'should' things that are societal textbook answers to such a question.

I'll miss the food, my friends, the weather and of course my family.

No.

No, I don't. I won't miss the food.
I won't miss my friends.
I won't miss the weather.

As I pondered, I surprised myself with my heartlessness, for within this context, I had absolutely no display of emotion. The sadness, or even anxiety for loss, of any of these things, did not grip my heartstrings as tightly as it should have.

Just as I was debating the monstrosity of my psychological betrayal, I looked out my window and discovered a twinge of emotion.

It was as sudden, as it was refreshing.

And that's when it all hit me.

I won't miss the food. No.

But I'll miss the times when I was hungry and I ate. I'll miss the meals we had together, the tastes that congregated during each bite. I'll miss the texture, the sight, the smell.

In short, I'll miss my personal encounters. The little things that made up my experience. The ones that we overlook so easily, brief, but the most beautiful of all.

I'll miss the shaft of sunlight that filters through my room window on a sunny morning. I'll miss the cacophony of birdsong that never fails to perk up my spirits. I'll miss the peace, the hustle and bustle, the laughter and the work.

I'll miss the caring, the talks, the touch, the presence.

I'll miss the way the leaves rustle in my garden, the sensation of grass between my toes. I'll miss the drives and the walks, and comfort of knowing the stability of my safety zone.

I'll miss the love. More importantly, I'll miss their love.

So, no.
I don't miss Malaysian food, or weather, or my old school, or my friends.

No.

What I'll miss are,
the days they had with me;
And the time I had,
with them.

An Internet Joke

2010-09-10T21:53:00.002+08:00

Someone emailed this joke to me. You can always take it at face value, or maybe you'll find a hidden truth. :)

Intelligence

One fine day, the Ruler of a multi-cultural southeast Asian country visited the Queen of England. The Ruler, Mr. NJ, asked the British Queen "How is it that you are able maintain your sovereignty and societal peace in Britain so effectively?"

The Queen, in all her elegance, replied "I surround myself with able and intelligent people."

Mr. NJ was puzzled. "How would you know if someone is intelligent or not?"

With a flourish, the Queen summoned the then-British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, into the room.

"Mr. Blair, if one day your mother and your father gave birth to somebody, who isn't your brother or your sister, who is that person?"

Tony Blair confidently answered "Why, that would be me, of course!"

Mr. NJ later left the meeting feeling very enlightened.

The next day, Mr. NJ sent for the Deputy Ruler, Mr. MH. Putting on a serious face, Mr. NJ asked the deputy, "Mr. MH, if one day your mother and your father gave birth to somebody, who isn't your brother or your sister, who is that person?"

Mr. MH was absolutely dumbfounded. After racking his brain for a full 30 minutes, Mr. MH gave up and cried out "Please give me some time to research upon this intriguing question!"

Mr. NJ decided to give his deputy 3 days.

For 2 days and 2 nights, Mr. MH went through Wikipedia, the world's most trusted source for factual accurate information, but to no avail.

On the third day, Mr. MH dragged his feet reluctantly to the Ruler's office, afraid of the repercussions that awaited him. 15 minutes before he was to enter the office he decided to go to the gents.

By stroke of luck, as he was entering the washroom, he met a disgraced politician once involved in a sex-scandal, Mr. SL. Taking a chance, Mr. MH asked Mr. SL the same question.

"Mr. SL, if one day your mother and your father gave birth to somebody, who isn't your brother or your sister, who is that person?"

With no difficulty, Mr. SL answered confidently, "Why, obviously, it's me!"

Mr. MH could not believe his luck! He emerged from the washroom a joyful man! With springing steps, he headed towards the Ruler's office.

Mr. NJ was sitting at his desk when Mr. MH entered. Looking up from his game of computer Solitaire, Mr. NJ addressed Mr. MH.

"Have you the solution for my question?"

Mr. MH, beaming with pride, answered "The answer to that question is --- MR. SL!"

However, instead of the expected praise, Mr. MH was surprised to find Mr. NJ getting agitated.

"Wrong, wrong, wrong!" screamed Mr. NJ, "I gave you three days, and all the country's multimedia resources, plus a salary increment and a RESEARCH BUDGET of 5 MILLION USD, and you CAN'T EVEN GIVE ME THE CORRECT ANSWER?!"

Mr. MH cowered silently in the corner.

Mr. NJ continued ranting, "Even after ALL THE TENDERED PROJECTS AWARDED TO YOUR BROTHER'S BANKRUPT CONSTRUCTION COMPANY!!!... TRAVEL ALLOWANCE!!!... SIPHON!.... GST!.... TAXATION!.... blahblahblahillegalstuffblahblahblah!!!..."

This went on and on until Mr. NJ was eventually out of breath.

Exhausted, Mr. NJ decided to drop the issue. "Mr. MH, I will not punish you any further, for we are of the same, plus there was no significant monetary loss on our part."

Mr. MH was delighted and absolutely relieved!

Taking a deep breath, Mr. MH gathered up the courage to ask the Ruler, "Your Excellency, in all due respect, what could the answer be to this very confounding question? If one day your mother and your father gave birth to somebody, who isn't your brother or your sister, who is that person?""

Mr. NJ sitting straight-backed on the country's leather throne, stared at Mr. MH with eyes that shone with an unworldly intelligence, his presence stifling.

"The answer, my simple minded friend, is easy. The answer is....... Tony Blair."

Used To

2010-09-05T15:32:00.002+08:00

I used to run around free,
in fields of yonder, bright & green.
I used to climb tall trees,
wonder at the possibilities,
that lay below like an open sea.

I used to stand on my bike,
engulfed by winds of speed & exhilaration,
Tumble down soft hills,
Face down in the mud, no reservations.

Bumps and bruises, scratches and wounds,
Non of those barred, not a reason to cocoon;
My hopes, my aspirations,
My desires, my fixations.

I used to dream big,

Because I wasn't afraid of falling.

Where is the me, I used to be?

Look What You've Done

2010-08-31T20:28:00.001+08:00

Look What You've Done
-Jet-

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Open Your Eyes

2010-08-28T00:35:00.002+08:00

If a man really WANTS you, he'll walk to the ends of the earth to get you. And if he doesn't... He's just not that into you. Sad, but real; Cruel, but true.

It's reality.

Watching these soap operas; Killing the other woman won't make him love you anymore as when she was alive.

Wake up and face the music.

Disenchanted By Insincerity

2010-08-26T12:09:00.005+08:00

Sincerity is the virtue of one who speaks and acts truly about his or her own feelings, thoughts and desires, free from pretense or deceit.

I am sick of the insincere.

Those people, that person.

The one who says he'll call, but never does. Fucktard.

The one who says lets go out, but blows on you eventually, because OH! I just remembered, I have SOMETHING ELSE, that I FORGOT that was ALREADY PLANNED, when I planned to go out with YOU.

And it happens NOT JUST ONCE. Either you've got your balls up in a choke hold about meeting me, or your brain just happens to materialize in a dimension known as Interdimensional Plane 384: NON-EXISTENT.

The one who leaves a missed call with you ONCE, only to not contact you for God-knows how many days, then turns up at the last day saying 'I'm leaving today. Too bad couldn't catch you when I was here. You know, I DID leave ONE PATHETIC MISSED CALL during the FIFTEENTH CENTURY, but I don't think you were born yet, so it's alright I guess we'll never meet. Adios!'

Are you expecting a GUILT TRIP, mister? Think again.

Yes. Irked by Tartheads. Or maybe Annoyed by Retards. I can't make up my mind over which I should call this post, since both describe the situation so accurately.

Overall which, I've decided to labelled it in a more EMO fashion, maybe add a dash of the current state of society.

We're all disenchanted in one way or another, aren't we?

Sworn To Be Content With Loneliness

2010-08-19T15:49:00.004+08:00

"I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up,

Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream"

Reality brushes the tips of our senses, whispering truths we're obliged to believe, because there seems to be no other explanation concrete enough for us to lay our hopes; our dreams; our fears; on.

Corporeality lends us a shoulder to rest our tear-sodden heads when imagination does not fulfill its promises.

White room

White sheets

Is your absence my existence...

7 Random Facts About Me

2010-07-25T16:43:00.004+08:00

Just to clarify something, I was tagged by Xiao Li.

I don't know whether she intended to tag me, since she just wrote 'Alex'. But since it's pre-EOS, and I have practically no life, I shall call forth upon a reinforced epidermis, and just go along with it.

*I'm sorry if it wasn't for me*

Seven (7) Random Facts About Me!!!!!

1. I have a fear of lizards.

omfg....

Scoliodentosaurophobia. An irrational fear against our dear house lizard.. or anything gecko-like. I don't know why, but it has probably something to do with their beady eyes, pale skin and the FREAKIN' PROPENSITY TO DROP OFF WALLS like a free-faller.

Shit, just thinking about it is enough to make my palms sweaty...

*In contrast, I really like iguanas, and the 'bigger' lizards. It's just the small ones that get me*

2. I get cranky when I'm hungry.

'nuff said

3. I'm an Introvert who likes to play Extrovert every once in a while.

I'm not a big fan of public speaking or being the center of attention, or interacting with people, both in crowds and one-on-one.

I'm more of a sit-by-the-fireplace-during-winter-with-a-good-book kinda guy.

At the same time, I relish meeting new people because it feels like a break from my usual routine - which brings us to my next point.

4. I LOVE SPONTANEITY.

Being spontaneous is one of the aspects of life I enjoy the most. That's why, if Malaysian weather wasn't so fickle and abusing, I'd probably spend most of my time WALKING on the streets to various destinations.

It's the journey that matters most, and being in charge of it is BLISS for me.

5. Pole-dancing

I DO like to pole dance. Besides being sensual, it utilizes and trains muscles not routinely used.

*But of course, I've never done it before... I mean... pfftttt... you know me.... I wouldn't do ANYTHING like that.... I'm macho.... yea... macho me....*

6. I'm good at suppressing my gag-reflex.

I eat ANY KIND OF FOOD. My aunt used to feed me food I sometimes absolutely detest, and I had to suppress my urge to VOMIT everytime I ate her meals.

So each time I have something I dislike on my plate, I stuff them into my mouth at one go. Then I close my eyes, and focus on dilating my trachea. Over the years, I've refined my control.

7. I have no definite FAVORITE 'thing'

No favorite colour, no favorite food, no favorite song.

That's why I find it sooo hard to answer profile questions at times. However I feel for something at a certain period of time, it'll momentarily be my favorite thing.

So, I hope this allows you to delve into my somewhat messed by psyche a little further and I hope to be hearing from these people:

May Hwa, Amylene Yap, Hazwan Samian, Cady Chua, Kai Xin and Ren Yi.

You've been officially TAGGED!

Have fun! :)

Simple Minds of Simple Men

2010-07-23T14:45:00.003+08:00

Ever wondered why your husband shuts your voice out of his head? Ever pondered over the fact that your children have functioning auditory organs which seem to mysteriously shut down whenever you open your oral cavity to admit waves in the form of compressed air, aka your voice?

Ever contemplate why anyone near-and-dear to you with a Y-chromosome in their genome, never listen to what you have to say?

The answer is simple. Rhetorically and literally.

It all boils down to simplicity. I don't know about you, but I think I speak for most, if not ALL, men.

Simplicity, in any form of verbal communication, is the most effective way of conveying any form of information or instruction. Scientific journals, advertisements, thesauruses, news articles. They all have something to say; and they say it with SIMPLICITY.

Now, simplicity is not equivalent to 'simply'. It does not, in any way or form, attest to being sloppy, deceitful or lacking in the process of communicating. All it does is to condense, corroborate and ratify complex instructions into concise vocabulary snippets. It is unbending, it is direct, it is accurate.

Guys are prone to simplicity, especially within instructional contexts. Orders must be given a direction and must be easily interpreted.

For example, many women like to use the phrase 'Do you want to..?'

'Do you want to wash my car for me?'

'Do you want to sweep the floor later?'

'Do you want to carry the groceries into the house?'

Primarily, these 'Do you want to' sentences are often associated with choice of action for the directed person, and involves a polar answer, indicating the person's inclination towards the task, for example.

However, the aforementioned sentences are disguised instructions. They are orders masked within the pretext of a selective question. They do not convey their messages appropriately, since their answers do not correlate with the jest or intention of the 'askee'.

Let's delve into it further. Take 'Do you want to carry the groceries into the house?'

Now, the directed person has two answers, either a yes or a no. Yes, I want to; or No, I don't want to.

But notice the use of the word 'WANT'. To want is to desire, to feel the need to perform (a duty). In actual fact, the person is being asked 'Do you feel it necessary to take the groceries into the house?'

Now, notice that the use of 'NECESSARY' is not within the context of free will for the questioned person. Instead, it is an extension of the ask-er's desire. Hence, in actual fact the question can be interpreted wholly as:

'Do you want to do as I desire, and take the groceries in?'

And, well. If you are a man, and the person asking was your wife/ mother/ aunt/ sister.

Do you have a choice?

Henceforth, from this small interpretation exercise, we can justify that polar questions involving the use of want in the context of another's extended will, does not equate to a choice of action. Rather, it is a direct order.

Which totally opposes the essence of Simplicity.

So we can see why some men tune out 'requests' for help. They cannot register. Such over-the-top psychological manipulation is either too fine for their bulky radar, or too beneath the conscious wavelength to be actively interpreted.

Simple men, with simple minds, need simple instructions.

Simple?

I Love the Way You Lie

2010-07-11T17:38:00.002+08:00

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,

But it's alright because I like the way it hurts.

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,

But that's alright because I love the way you lie;

I love the way you lie...

Expectations

2010-07-11T14:12:00.004+08:00

To expect is to anticipate, to look forward as due. To expect is to bank your hopes on the possibility of a future that proceeds to your will.

We all know circumstances can't be forcefully molded.

We all know that our actions are only a derivative of the present that accounts for cause, but is independent of outcome.

We all know that.

Then why do we place so much of ourselves into such a shoddy investment? Any money-savvy person; Heck, any money-scrimping middle-aged woman, will tell you, going into a deal without backup, diving headfirst into risk that may or may not end up devastating, but potentially non-beneficial, is just plain stupidity.

Then, why do we expect?

Why do you expect him to call you?
Why do you expect her to help you?
Why does she expect that her expectations will be fulfilled, even when all odds are stacked against her?

Hope? Faith? A belief in the propensity of others to do good, perhaps?

FOOLS.

Fools, fools, fools.

The disgraced father, the disillusioned mother, the disenchanted child. Expectations. The belief that somebody will do good on your due; the anticipation that someone will live up to your sacrifice.

And when your hopes are dashed, your pride wilted, who bears the brunt of your dissatisfaction?

Will you turn your anger against your own folly;

Or will you direct the flames against the skin of one you 'expect' to be?

Think about it, fool.

Therein lies no disappointment with the relinquish of hope.

Paris Hilton Arrested in S.Africa for Drug Possession!!!

2010-07-06T20:12:00.002+08:00

PORT ELIZABETH. Port Elizabeth police say they released Paris Hilton and withdrew drugs charges against her after a pet therapist explained to them that Hilton was an "over-bred show-dog with the intellect of a baked bean". Officers recalled that Hilton had soiled the newspaper in her cage and had even been too scared to purge the dinner they had force-fed her.

Weekend newspapers reported that Hilton, the offspring of famous Kentucky Derby winner Soggy Biscuit and a prizewinning Afghan hound called Dipstick 7, was arrested in Port Elizabeth with a friend for smoking marijuana at a World Cup match.

However, police quickly ascertained that Hilton did not have the mental capacity to understand that she had committed a crime.

"When we approached her she rolled on her back," explained arresting officer Pinkerton Mpofu. "That seemed to be her default pose for pretty much every interaction."

He said that she had been deloused and given an attractive floral collar before being led to the police pound, but added that officers had sensed a "profoundly retarded creature" and had taken pity and called animal psychologist Nina Wiener-Scratchensniff.

According to Wiener-Scratchensniff, Hilton was immediately identifiable as a "profoundly and tragically in-bred individual".

"You find these bitches in every pound,? she said. ?Glossy blonde fur, perfectly clipped claws, watery dead eyes without the slightest flicker of character in them, and a brain the size of a peanut."

She said she had urged the police to release Hilton at once, as she posed no danger to anyone but herself.

Meanwhile Hilton is reportedly "like totally awesome" after being reunited with friends and family, whom she described as "like totally aweseome", adding that while her stay in the pound had been "like totally scary", her South African trip had been "like totally awesome".

"It was totally a total misunderstanding,? she explained, while an aide attacked residual intra-intestinal fat deposits with an ultrasonic Fat-Blaster9000 machine.

"Kelli and Crissi were like, 'Hey, PH, let's like go to the soccer?', and I was like, 'Oh my God, what's soccer?' and they were like, 'It's a game?' and I was like, 'Oh my God I totally love games?' and they were like 'Oh really?' and I was like 'Totally?' and they were like 'No way?' and I was like 'Way?' and they were like, 'So do you wanna go see the soccer?' and I was like 'Oh my God, what?s soccer?' and they were like, 'It's a game?' and I was like?I don't remember what I was like because I like totally don't remember like what happened next.?

She said she was looking forward to returning home, although she conceded that she would need her private pilot to "do all that weird-ass map shit", as she had no idea where she was.

"He said Africa was like south-east of Beverley Hills, but I thought that was like Mexico and Iraq," she said.

"Oh well, boring!"

Satirical news adapted from: http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=139&art_id=iol127839348197H100

For real report, here it is.

A Beautiful DIsaster

2010-07-04T00:51:00.007+08:00

I just realized, it's been quite awhile since I've written a new post. My lack of inspiration is probably in direct correlation with the extremely dry language I have to accustom myself with when writing a 3000 word essay. Hence, no creative thinking.

Oh yeah, and football.

I guess the only reason I'm writing this post is to buy time as I wait for the match between Espanyol and Paraguay. Btw, Argentina? Totally humiliated. 4-0. It wasn't a loss. It was total trashing.

Anyway, continuing on. This post is probably fodder material. You can read it, you can choose to ignore it. Your call.

Funny thing. As I was lying in bed the other day, thoughts kept swirling around in my head. No, they weren't hypotheses of the Universe's origin, nor were they quantum theories to elaborate upon the time-space continuum and the deliberation of anti-matter.

In fact, I was reminiscing about embarrassing moments I've experienced.

You know what's the funny part? I wasn't embarrassed then.

I remember, when I was... 15 maybe? My friends and I decided to hang out and watch a movie. Everything fine and dandy. *fyi, I still remember the lame shit movie we were FORCED to watch, because tickets for another MORE EXCITING movie was sold out. TREASURE ISLAND. OMG. 2.5 HOURS OF EXTREME TORTURE. That movie makes New Moon seem like a sweaty 10 minute make-out session. It was THAT BAD.*

Fashion is a weird organic contraption. Its evolution sprouts from the seed of creativity, eventually morphing into a briar bush of mortification, while fruits of dignity emerge just to be trampled and degraded back into the very soil which feeds its insensible growth.

Sad to say, thorns of social pressure were embedded in my epidermis, while I wallowed in the hallowed hell of fashion's vegetative state.

Super tight body hugging T-shirt and bell-bottom jeans. Both brown in color. Need I say more?

The worse part is, I THOUGHT I looked DA BOMB. I thought I was sexaaaay, hot, the epitome of fabulosity.

Was I dead wrong.

As I swayed my hips to the beat of mall music, head tilted up, shoulders squared, strutting around like a cock on steroids, I basked in the gaze of strangers. Strangers who, wouldn't give me the time of day on any other given day. Strangers who gave me wide-eyed stares which I mistook for admiration and lust.

*Laugh out loud*

I looked the fool, my dear readers.

Yet it seemed such a good idea at the time. In fact, it seemed... right.

It goes to show that, our actions at present are an expression and indication of our grasp upon our current reality. Clearly, I was pretty out of my 'reality' then. In fact, I think I was high on something...

Oh yeah. High on the presumptous assumption that the world loved me, and ONLY ME.

Gullible, yes. Fallible only if I had much to lose.
I didn't.

I learned an important lesson that night. One which others have taken like fish to water, but to me it's like the tentative steps of a newborn inhaling fresh air, free of its mother's womb.

Don't EVER wear tight bell-bottom jeans.

.................
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.....

...

..
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Who You Are

2010-06-20T17:22:00.003+08:00

Dr. Suess is a literary genius, and some of his quotes have hit home in the struggles of my life.

" Sometimes the questions and complicated, and the answers simple "

" You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams "

" Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind "

-Dr. Suess
US Author & Illustrator (1904 - 1991)

Ushering

2010-06-20T00:25:00.003+08:00

Today I attended my cousin's wedding dinner. As a close relative I had to help out and usher and seat guests. All in all, I had a fun time meeting and greeting.

Truth be told, I'm not going to delve any further into the whole wedding. I'm just out to rant, and this post is specifically designed to accommodate my mindless anger sans irritation.

As an usher, I was given a stack of paper filled with names to sort out which guest is seated at which table. Then I was to direct them to their seats when they came to the front desk and registered.

Easy, right?

Well, it obviously did NOT help that the guest's names were all screwed up, since some people were listed down as families, hence going by 'Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so', meaning that whatever GRANDMOTHER names they were coming up with were NOT A MATCH in the list UNLESS they said the name of the family patriarch.

To make matters worse, random people were listed as Mr and Ms. respectively, totally SCREWING UP the alphabetical system.

Therefore, when someone mentions their name, I have to:

1. Check the alphabetical list for their name.

2. Not there? Check the family names under 'Mr and Mrs blah blah blah'

3. STILL not there? Then check the random individuals under Mr and Ms.

4. In desperation, check the list of Datos, Datins, Drs and Profs. (Honestly, THIS too messed up the system)

To cut things short, there was this bunch of expensive-looking elderly ladies that walked in, and I was supposed to show them to their seats. There was no match for their Mandarin names, so they came up with a plethora of English names which, I guess, was how the hosts, my cousins and her parents, know them by.

From the steps above, it is evident that for every name they come up with, I have PAGES to look through. Their impatient yammering and constant grabbing for the list did NOT HELP AT ALL too. In the end, I apologized and told them I couldn't find their name.

Then my cousin's sister came to help out. She promptly looked through the list and found the lady's name.

The stupid expiring yak had the gall to turn to me, and with an imperious lilt, tyrannically declared:

'See, I TOLD you it was inside!'

Okay woman, obviously there's something you don't understand. For one, I did NOT say your name wasn't inside. I TOLD YOU I COULDN'T FIND IT. And another. While you were unable to shut your gaping trap, I was looking through hundreds of names just to find, maybe in vain hope, that I could catch a glimpse of one of the FIVE names you mentioned, UNDER DIFFERENT CATEGORIES.

THAT'S why I asked my cousin sister for help. Geddit?

But that wasn't the brunt of it. As she was walking away, she told my cousin sister 'THIS BOY IS NOT VERY GOOD.'

Excuse me?

Not very good?

Not very good IN WHAT WAY?

In the way that I'm not getting paid? In the way that I don't work as a receptionist for a living? Or maybe it's the way that I am A FAMILY MEMBER OF THE BRIDE OF THE WEDDING YOU'RE BLOODY ATTENDING, AND ALL I'M TRYING TO DO IS HELP EASE THE CROWD SURGE.

You tell me, bitch. Not very good in WHAT?

Henceforth, the moral of the story: Please treat the ushers at wedding receptions nicely, because they ARE BLARDY FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE BRIDE/ GROOM. We're not here to please you because our livelihoods depend on your sad tips.

We're just there because we value our familial relationships.

Geddit, bitch?

I Need To Poison My Wife

2010-06-18T23:03:00.003+08:00

A friend of mine sent me this joke via e-mail, and I found it pretty funny. Enjoy! :)

A nice, calm and respectable man went into the pharmacy, right up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into her eyes, and said, "I would like to
buy some cyanide.."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The man replied, "I need it to poison my wife."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and she exclaimed, "Lord have mercy!

I can't give you cyanide to kill your wife! That's against the law!

I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds
of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any
cyanide!"

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture of his wife in
bed with the pharmacist's husband .

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.

Anger - Who Hurts More?

2010-06-11T15:33:00.004+08:00

LOL, How apt that I have an earlier post with the same title.

Bad moods are horrible. They place me in a zone of silence. I don't feel like talking, I don't feel like interacting. Not because I'm angry at the people around me, I'm just... not in the mood (no pun intended).

Someone once asked me, " Are you angry at me?"

You know, unless you murdered my aunt's cousin's grandmother's brother's second son's niece's (twice removed) mother-in-law, or ate the cup of yoghurt I was saving for my after-supper dessert, I can't possibly be mad at anyone who asks me that question.

It just shows me you care. How sweet.

And I can't fault that.

So my standard answer is 'No'. And I mean it.

You know, at times we may get angry at another person. We hurt them, either intentionally or unintentionally. We leave lasting impressions, scars that linger to remind them of the abuse. We're haunted by the ghost of our callousness, an undercut handed over in the form of reckless behavior.

But when we think it through... was it really worth it?

Was proving that point so important, was winning the fight everything?

Did you leave the battle lightly scratched, but overcome with the immensity of your actions, the gut-wrenching hold of guilt?

Confrontation is worthless if hurting another only hurts yourself. Revenge is a double-edged sword of a nail-laden hilt.

The pain ultimately falls on you.

I agree. I was slightly harsh with my language, and it was totally unnecessary. The issue was petty, inconsequential even.

Friendship is thrown around as a term nowadays, heavy in emotions, but lacking in meaning. True friends - the ones that will be at your side when adversity is faced, are hard to find. And I think that you may just be a true friend. *btw, please don't prove me wrong*

In hindsight, I shouldn't have done what I did. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to you for all the hurt I've caused. The scars may be there, but hopefully the salve of forgiveness is able to take the edge off the sting.

Sorry.

Being Mortal

2010-06-07T22:10:00.002+08:00

As one who is young, we often think of ourselves as infallible beings, built of rock and stone, with a heart encased in pure gold.

Perhaps it's because as humans, we are programmed to be dualists; To believe that the spirit and body are entities capable of divine centrifugation; That there exists a life transcending material.

Our notion of imperishability probably stems from that belief of an immortality that outlives our time as mortals, lending us the naive courage to live at the spite of death.

Of course, taking out biology at face point, we are all but expiring creatures infesting a planet in the vast galaxy. And to magnify what is already minuscule, each of us are living on borrowed time, in vessels as fragile as an intricate ivory lattice, sheathed in soft flesh, permeated by warm blood.

All wounds bleed; All pain hurt.

All misgivings pierced into a beating heart will eventually halt its rhythmical struggle.

We will die. Our bodies will rot; Cadavers bearing the memories of a life once existed.

We will cease to remain,
When our gold-encased heart suffocates under the weight of its own armor.

Obligations vs. Morality

2010-06-06T08:16:00.002+08:00

Student Dies After Kiosk Workers Refuse To Help

In this post, I would like to press on the issues of obligations and morality.

Obviously reading the flow of events that brought to that devastatingly heart-wrenching ending, it pains the reader to attest to the knowledge that, the girl could have been saved, if only more help was at hand.

By more help meaning, the use of a fire extinguisher to put out the flames that had started eating away at the upturned car.

People are blaming the workers at the petrol kiosk who refused the good Samaritan's attempt to obtain a fire extinguisher, even after much pleading and bargaining. Thoughts and rallies of blame against that particular petrol COMPANY are even underway, or brewing within the minds of those enraged by this seemingly breach of... what? Ethics? Humanity? Law?

The heart of the argument seems to lie within the domains of JUDGMENT vs. OBLIGATION.
With judgment accounting for critical thinking and the way one would handle a stressful chaotic situation based on clear reasoning.

In defense of the petrol kiosk, I would like to point out some key points:

The accident was around 500 metres away. None of the workers could have assessed the situation, and hence was unable to envision the extent of damage.

Fearfulness and a sense of duty. They were ordered to not open the kiosk doors, for reasons including theft and safety, which brings us to the next point.

FRAUD. Many people argue the rationale in turning down a MAN, rushing in at 3 IN THE MORNING, demanding that you OPEN the DOORS to your store, to aid in an ACCIDENT, you can't see there and then. I would most certainly have taken precaution, AGAINST THAT MAN.

Workers. What type of attendant would you think, will man a petrol kiosk at 3 am? I'm certain he or she does not have a degree in chemical engineering. Heck, he or she may not even have an education at all, and may not even be a CITIZEN of Malaysia.

Couple up the last two points, and you have a degree of mis-communication and mistrust. That is certainly not a good combination in the face of an emergency.

Which brings us back to JUDGMENT. Assessment of the situation, making a level-headed rational decision in a chaotic situation for the benefits of both parties, coming up with an amicable solution.

Would an immigrant worker be able to do that effectively? Would a petrol kiosk attendant manning the stall at 3 am have the CAPACITY, be it mentally or job-orientated, to do so?

*The tunnelhole of this argument is not somebody working at 3 am. It is ' What KIND of person would you expect to take the night-to-morning shift at a petrol kiosk?' and hence, their sense of duty and also, intelligence*

To sum it all up, this accident was an unfortunate incident with which its damage could have been significantly dissipated if GOOD JUDGMENT was available. However, to put it simply to avoid delving deep into the various facets of law and human rights, NO HUMAN IS OBLIGED TO HELP ANOTHER IN DISTRESS.

*With obligation meaning in this context, being bound by a set of rules or laws; to forbear something.*

Hence, we get something of a full picture, whereby the kiosk attendant had the right to refuse help, regardless of whether he/she had full knowledge of the accident. Plus, being non-obliged to offer any assistance, in lieu of safety and job *ignore the irony* obligations.

Nevertheless, in times of need and we call upon the humanity of others for help, the attendant has failed miserably (In his/her defense, the issue of misunderstanding could be brought upon). And on the basis of moral judgment, it is unfortunate that the attendant did not choose otherwise, which could have saved a life.

Obviously, I am commenting based on my third-party view within the confines of cold hard logic. However, on an emotional scale, I am unashamed to say that I DO feel a sense of INJUSTICE, RAGE, HELPLESSNESS and of course GRIEF, for the victim and her suffering.

This is my interpretation of this event, and I am not hardpressing my views on anybody, with no offense meant.

Dilemmas of a Health Science Student

2010-05-22T16:24:00.005+08:00

I think a quartz of hypochondriac blood runs in my veins.

Not enough to declare Armageddon when my nose itches, but sufficient to cause heart palpitations with every noticeable ache and sneeze. I swear, if that ingrown hair on my thigh doesn't do me in, adrenal fatigue will. And it will not end pretty.

I've been ill these past few days. The usual: sore throat and fever.

Except the sore throats exceptionally sore, and the fever's... well... making me feverish; Or as one will call in my case, slightly delusional and paranoid.

To cap it off, I finger-felt a slight swelling under my jaw.

What in the world could I be suffering from? Swollen lymph nodes? Tonsilitis? Acute pharyngitis? Herpes? Primary HIV? CANCER?

Ohmigoshi'mgonnadiesoonandihaven'tevenexperiencedhalfofthethingsiwanttodo
plsplsplsidon'twannadiesosoonidon'tthinkicancopewithchemoorsurgeryforthatmatter

There goes my deranged pleading as I suffer bouts of jaw clenching pain whenever I attempt to swallow or move my poor, inflamed pharynx.

I went to my local GP today, to, you know, check things out. In my opinion, it was as lackluster as watching people watching paint dry. *forgive my weird lame language for today. As you know, I'm not feeling very well.*

As soon as I placed my butt on the folds of his cheap plastic leather straight-back chair, he asked :"What is wrong?"

So I answered : " I have a sore throat."

I wonder if it's habitual for physicians to listen to the patient's diagnosis and then dispense the 'I-knew-it-was-that-all-along' attitude along with unnecessary antibiotics, but, well... He was toeing that fine line between money-chasing quack and well-educated informed professional.

He looked at my throat and checked to see if I had a fever.

Then he declared :" Your throat is quite red."

Um... hello.

I wouldn't have noticed the difference if one night, miniature fairies took away my inflammation and replaced it with a full fairy construction crew attempting to drill iron leaden foundations into the very back of my mouth to build the Burj Al Arab of oral cavities.

So, you tell me. IS it supposed to be red?
Or should it have been dandelion yellow? Maybe a shade of Harbour Blue, with a dash of Rainforest Glow perhaps?

So I just nodded. And I stared at him. He stared back.

*Awkward silence*

It's at this point where patients take the opportunity to perform one or a few tasks that will probably weigh heavily on their health: Ask the doctor what is wrong with you, or thank him and walk out.

Obviously, I chose the former.

So I asked: " What do you think I have?"

Okay. So let's see. IF I were in his shoes, I would probably ask the patient whether he/she has any more aches, pains, unfamiliar lumps before concluding with a diagnosis. The doctor and I must be operating on significantly different wavelengths, because he answered:

"You have a sore throat."

Oh, my. I didn't know that. I thought the burning sensation on my pharynx was a way for those fairy workers to tell me they've begun piling work for the past FREAKIN' THREE DAYS.

Ok, so doctor, done.

When I went to the pharmacy, the mak cik at the counter threw me some lozenges and Clarithromycin tablets.

"Yangingyouambilduakaliseharisatudimlmdanstlgpdpagimestimknslpsmknnnn..."

Wow, if coherency was optional, I'm sure she'll cinch the top place of speaking informational gibberish, since some knowledge was supposed to be transferred somewhere amongst the jumbled alphabets that tumble out her succulent lips.

So there.

I wasted my morning, going to my local GP, just to find out I have a sore throat, and should consume some lozenges.

Oh yeah, and throw in a couple of them antibiotics to screw the insurance companies.

Tentative, Sensitive... Heck, They Rhyme!

2010-05-18T21:41:00.002+08:00

In an irritable mood for the past few days. If an idiomic phrase were to describe my feelings in the last... I dunno... 48 hours, a 'black cloud over my head' is a etymological insult to my mortal existance, which characteristic of any human, my emotions are the pure essence of my being. So there.

To describe the upheaval of my entire predisposition requires something that goes along the lines of 'endless reverberating thunderclap of doom permeated by vigorous showers of pure acid and hate, punctuated briefly by flashes of hell-flames'. Now, THAT'S descriptive.

So, why?

Why does this occur? The... irrational anger, unmentionable, often untraceable pain; the constant irritability, hot flashes, hormonal imbalance, loneliness accompanied by an overwhelming buzzing of suffocation.

Am I menopausing at such a tender age?

Perhaps, the onset of a mid-midlife crisis? The dividing boundary between temperament catastrophes?

How perplexing.

Whatever hell nigh it may bring, I promise to stay strong despite the inner and obviously external adversities I face. Because life is just too short. *smiley face*

P.S I've decided to tone down my language and sometimes condescending attitude towards jerks that I've met along the way, not because they deserve to be treated better, oh no, quite the opposite.

Yet I realize that being too judgmental just weighs heavily on your soul, and while revenge is a dish best served cold, chilling your heart to subzero temperatures only lowers you down to their level.

My fingers itch at longhandedly tearing someone into shreds of their former selves peppered sparsely with faded fragments of their confidence. But I refrain.

Sometimes, just give yourself a chance to forgive.

Lets Pretend

2010-05-11T14:57:00.003+08:00

" Can we pretend that airplanes in the night skies,

are like shooting stars?

I could really use a wish right now..."

-'Airplanes' by B.OB feat. Hayley Williams & Eminem

As a child, how many times have you played pretend?

When the flimsy cardboard box turns into an impenetrable fortress; When the linoleum floor becomes a raging sea; When you sit on a chair and instantly morph into an astronaut, a pirate, race car driver, explorer.

When reality is dismissed, and the world conforms to your imagination.

Then you grow up, and pretend doesn't do it anymore in the cut-throat world of civilization. When pretend is fraud, a blessed escape from a place that, once wonderous and magical, has turned bleak and dangerous.

When the light of wisdom shining in your eyes dim, replaced by a weariness only living can bestow.

When pretense is the only way you'll survive.

So lets pretend.

Talk is Cheap. Hence I Do It Lots.

2010-05-07T23:13:00.005+08:00

Money makes the world go round.

So profound are its effects that anymore cranial rapid spinning, causative agent: cash, will centrifuge all remaining goodwill left in me into a pellet of Scrooge-compacted humbug.

Now, I'm cheap. Yes, I'm admitting it. I don't like spending unnecessary money on things I can get for a) free, or b) swindle with no criminal implications attached. And if THOSE fail, there's always Mega Sales to count on.

I mean, seriously. It's a no-brainer. Why would anyone spend a larger sum of funds on something that they basically use for the same duration, exhibiting the same effects? Honestly, a T-shirt from a uber exclusive brand that sets me back onto dollar lunches for two weeks can only get me so far. In the end, I'd probably be so protective over it, that said garment will end up for the rest of it's material life framed in oak over my mantlepiece.

So much so is the logic of the Law of Parabolic Consumption, in that extremes in prices elicit consummate reactions that defy the purpose of action. Couple that with Variables of Miserliness and Outliers of Temporal Punter Insanity, you'll get the perfect cocktail for reasons to be cheap. As me.

Being cheap is synonymous with getting a cut. You must know the golden rule of evasive action against Spending Mines and Bazookas that blow cash out of wallets, pockets, socks and bras.

Have you ever had a paper cut? You know, the little bruise that makes you say "Ouch!"?

Ever notice that how the smallest physical contact with people can often elicit the loudest response?

Try cutting an arm off. Literally. I promise you won't be crying dainty little 'ouches'. In fact, you won't be crying at all. Shock has literally dissolved any semblance of nociceptors you have at your disposal, while your fight or flight reflex gears you up for the inevitable. Adrenaline is coursing through your veins like cheap alcohol in a homeless drunk. Endogenous opoids exterminate fear, replacing them with a bravado that enables you to maneuver out of whatever shit you're in.

But what has that got to do with saving a buck?

Ahhh, young Padawan. You have much to learn. See the huge posters that scream SCAM JOB? Meaning the 'Buy 6 for the price of 5!' or 'Pay 200 bucks per person, and get the 10th person in FREE!'. Those aren't the ones you should be afraid off. Tacky, preying on customer gullibility, the cheapo can dodge those bullets blindfolded.

No. It is not those that Cheap Jedis fear.

Truly fearsome enemies lurk in the dank recesses of places unspeakable, striking when weakness is eminent, backed by the sinister fiend of darkness.

The cheapo does not fear dumbass promotions. The cheapo fears.... HIDDEN PRICES.

Hidden prices, miniscule-print costs. The bane of Cheap shits. The unassuming 500 $ price tag for a dress 70% off, until you ring it up and realize, 500 $ is the price AFTER DISCOUNT. SHOCK. GASP. TWITTER UNEASILY. Or that when you get two scoops of ice-cream for the price of one, you're actually paying a few dollars extra for one scoop on that day, compared to normal days.

We cheap assholes detest those. They threaten our very EXISTANCE.

If we had a choice we would lobby for all sales to be conducted in font size of 89 and above, with production costs tacked underneath price tags using letterheads of 'BEFORE CUT'. Plus, we buy in bulk.

So there you go. Some thoughts by One Who is Cheap, for there will be One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to bind them, One Ring of the cash register to basically scare the crap out of them. It's innate.

We cheapos just can't help it.

When Wishes Turn to Dreams

2010-05-03T21:43:00.004+08:00

I was going through, my box of old stuff
When I saw, this little string-bound book.
I unraveled the ribbon that grasped its thoughts,
And brought it to the light of this world.

I read through the pages, each a coarse mâché;
Paper crackled with every turn of my dreams,
Diligently inscribed into the parchment,
Of which each I called a wish.

Yes, a wish book
A book with which my wishes could be granted,
And put into being,
Under the harsh glare of reality.

Ink of desire stains fragile intent,
Of a life I wish I had.
As pen scratch to life, what I always pretend,
I can only hop, and ponder, silently protest.

Hark, there hast been a day!
To which I could proudly say,
That each page had materialized,
Into a form I can grasp.

For that day has yet to come,
For I am waiting still,
Silently I pray,
By my white-washed windowsill.

For until that day, in it itself redeems,
In whichever form, to where I can exist;
I can safely say, with pure conviction,
That my wishes,
Are nothing but dreams.

An Accurate Horoscope

2010-04-30T19:10:00.003+08:00

How many of you believe in the powers of the stars?

That their alignments bring about changes within the human psyche that dominate proceedings of the entire world?

I do. LOL.

So I plagiarized this set of readings from a friend's facebook page, for your entertainment. Enjoy!

AN ACCURATE 2010 HOROSCOPE

ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous.. Not one to mess with. Funny.. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world... 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

GEMINI - The Twin
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Geminis will not take any crap from anyone. Geminis like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Geminis can be very sarcastic and childish at times and are very nosey. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Beauty
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind.. Very romantic.. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most are artists and insane, respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most Cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever.. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun.. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word.. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything.. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with...you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want.. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring.. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found.. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever.. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet.
Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini's in sports. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants.
Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in long-term relationships. Can be clumsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when they're not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their family. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter but will Knock your lights out.. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward

PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes gets the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke.. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

*Note: I do not take credit for any of the publishing done above.*

We All Have Our Scars

2010-04-24T13:29:00.007+08:00

Scar (skär), noun:

A mark left on skin/ tissue after a wound etc. has healed.
A marring or disfiguring mark on anything.
The lasting mental or emotional effects of suffering or anguish.

-Webster's New World Dictionary,
Third College Edition.

Anything can scar.
Your skin, your liver, your heart, your body.

Your soul.

Anything can be subjected to its distortion. To be maimed into a form so unrecognizable, you shy away from your being. A mutilation that bypasses physicality to embed itself in the very core of your humanity.

They arise from wounds, inflicted by the knives of intention and neglect.

Physical scars, visible scars, those that riddle your body. They are the scars of Mother Nature.

What of the scars brought upon by Human Nature?

The ones that are flogged upon, not bare skin, but ethereal spirit, on the tender lining of our heart, seeping our sense of goodwill and innocence with every fiery crack of its relentless whip.

Mother nature may inflict scars over us to protect us from further injury. Human nature intends to damage us permanently to hide it's mutilation amongst the converted-deformed.

We all have our scars.

Scars that never really healed. Scars that tear open as suddenly, gushing out humanity and our essence of being.

Scars that require,
too much of us,
to close the wound.

My Friend

2010-04-22T22:38:00.003+08:00

You know,

There are times,

When we get annoyed,

Irritated, even, with each other.

There are times,

When animosity runs through,

As deep and as piercing,
As the silence between us.

Through thick or thin,

A slew of emotions,

We occasionally avoid,
To escape the disparities between us.

Nevertheless,
it is at times like this,

I remember why,

Of the billions of people,
I call you ...

My Friend

Depressed

2010-04-14T22:43:00.005+08:00

Everyone is angry at me...

...For something I didn't do.

For something I had no part in...

...Now I'm being ignored.

So, I tell myself...

...That they can go screw themselves.

And I feel so much better...

...Because I get to release some of MY anger.

TEE HEE! :)

Irksome

2010-04-14T16:03:00.003+08:00

Ahhh, the Digital Age.

These are times when correspondence is dominated by the ever reaching arms of the Internet. Where speaking is optional, and standardized smileys are replacing the wide array of human facial expressions.

Communication has never reached such an unsentimental pinnacle.

There are drawbacks, various implications, ranging from socio-economic disasters to the erosion of humanity.

That is not what this post is about.

As usual, I'm just gonna complain. Yes. Complain and nag, moaning, groaning, about why some people will put others through such discomfort and irritability.

Don't you just hate it when PEOPLE DON'T REPLY YOUR MESSAGES. Or to be more specific, SOME PEOPLE JUST STOP REPLYING YOUR MESSAGES MID-CONVERSATION. It's not a long lull. They just don't come back to you ever. Period.

Now, in lieu of sounding like a hypocrite, I shall confess, that at times, I may sink to such behavior. In my DEFENSE however, it's not that I just stop corresponding. I may TAKE A LONGER TIME, BUT EVENTUALLY I REPLY (within 24 hours).

And for those I DO NOT WISH TO HAVE AN ONLINE CONVERSATION WITH, I DO NOT REPLY THEM AT ALL IN THE FIRST PLACE.

So, I just absolutely detest it, when you're messaging each other, and the other person just breaks off and leaves the whole shenanigan hanging. Like, seriously, WTF?!

Okay, douche, lemme break it down for you.

NUMBER 1: When you decide to take up a person's topic or conversation, follow it to the very end or DON'T START IN THE FIRST PLACE. How would you like it if you were talking to a friend, and he/she just walks away when you ask he/she a question? Not very nice issit? Yeah, there's food for thought.

NUMBER 2: Like seriously, everyone knows you got like a super busy life, with all them super shiny stars waiting to take you out to super expensive restaurants and shit. DOES IT TAKE, A FREAKING DAY, TO JUST TYPE OUT, " IM SORRY, IM BUSY, TALK TO YOU LATER"??!!!

I mean, serious shit. You don't even have to spell everything out. 'Im sry, bz now, ttyl". See?? The wonders of abbreviations.

I never knew that by flinging your fingers over your keypad to spell out a weird ass bunch of vowelless consonants might actually create a vortex that hungrily digests copious amounts of the time continuum.

If so, I must be an approximately 1000 years old by the time I'm done with this rant. Poor me.

So yeah. It totally sucks. No one asks you to be perfect. Just answer the damn messages. And if you're busy, jz say ur bz in da nxt msg, ttyl, or myb nxt tme. gtg, cya. kthxbai.

Jerk.

The Love Index

2010-04-08T20:48:00.011+08:00

The Love Index is a measurement of your desirability and long-term relationship potentiation.

You see, everyone walks around with a certain 'price', and in the market of singles, dating, sex and love, supply has to match demand, with higher quality products fetching better value.

And the value of the commodity, in this case the datee, is determined by the Love Index.

Now, the Love Index is but a simple formulae made up mainly of the X-FACTOR, that includes mostly personal presentation and body shape. The trick to fetching a higher price in the market is to obtain a high Love Index, which is synonymously reflected by a high X-Factor value.

As you can see, it is a simple mathematical correlation, whereby it is highly desirable to have a high X-Factor value ( Well-groomed, clean and relatively fit, but not overbulky body builder), which incidently leads to a larger Love Index.

However, the Love Index is also affected by personality ( No. of genuine smiles a day - Friendliness; Time required to forgive - low values indicate one who is empathic and nonconfrontational). A decrease or increase in either factor will ultimately change your value.

Usually, single people will tend to want someone who has the same Index, or a person with a higher Index than him/her.

The Index is not static though, and changes with time, maybe with experience. Through the use of visual aids, the X-Factor can be falsely raised without ever going through the exorbitant spending of $$ by the application of pirated goods.

However, uncompromising goods such as soap and facial care cannot be overlooked or neglected, as personal hygiene plays a huge role in the humdrum of life.

Hence, by the powers of Aristotle, Ptolemy, the great philosophers of mathematics and science, the Mystery of Love can finally be represented by a condensed mathematical equation that measures a person's worth in the single's market.

DISCLAIMER: Since the equation was thought up in 5 minutes and scribbled on a notepad by an inexperienced youngster, mainly me, there is no guarantee that the Index will correlate exactly in real life. Many outward factors still remain and may influence outcome. Toodles!

Frankly

2010-04-08T09:42:00.005+08:00

Am I mean?

Do I stare you up and down with a condescending look?

Does my arrogant, emotionless gaze make you squirm?

Am I haughty?

Unfortunately, the answer to the questions above is an undeniable YES, especially by people who don't know me so well.

Ooooh, I can hear them saying. 'You better work on your attitude, boy!', 'No one likes a stuck up pussy prick!', or worse yet 'You'll have NO FRIENDS!!'

ARGHHHHHH!!!!

And here I am, thinking I was King of the World.
Ah well. Looks like I have my flaws too. LOL

Anyway, jokes (albeit sarcasm) aside, I admit I tend to portray the image of a prissy bitch. I have no idea why. *Probably it's because my life is sooooo sad, and there is a hole in my heart that possesses an insatiable thirst for love that will never occur. Pfffffttttttttt*

Although, deep down, I know I sometimes hurt people, unintentionally. Which is really unbecoming and rude obviously.

So, I have devised Alex's Top 5 Rules to Overcoming Your Inside Bitch:

Smile more ( Although in my case, i better smile less, because instead of reacting in outrage, people actually react in fear to my smile)

Say your pleasantries (Like, Good Morning, or Thank you, or How Do You Do?) - and mean them. It's frustrating when someone asks you How Are You? when they don't give a shit about how you are.

Don't raise your nose too high ( It might only apply to me. Sometimes when I walk, I raise my nose. Dammit.) This is also a good tip, in case a knife-wielding robber happens to streak past, and your inviting caverns serve as vantage point for the tip of his weapon.

Touch people more ( I realized that old folks and young children like to be reassured, and sometimes all they need is a light pat on the back, or a friendly hug. EVERYONE NEEDS THAT)- PLUS, you connect more intimately with people. But don't be a pedophile. Please. I'm not condoning molestation.

Speak in a polite, level tone. No one likes to be shouted or nagged at. 'Nuff said.

So there are my top five ways. It's not foolproof. It's not a golden ticket to being popular. But it's MY way of becoming, at least, a nicer friendlier person.

Of course, there will be some that will still hate you regardless of what you do. I guess all you can do in this situation is say you're sorry for whatever you've wronged them by, and walk away.

OR you can slap the mothafaka shit out of their sonovabitch tight assholes and let them suck on sticks slathered with dung as thick as a donkey's dick.

Your call.

Either way, I just want to apologize if anything I did, said or expressed made you feel anything but joy. It wasn't my intention and I did not mean unwell. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Adieu!

Books Whose Cover Don't Match

2010-04-07T13:29:00.005+08:00

I just had a haircut recently, since my hair was getting a tad unruly. So it went down really short at the sides, with a geometric slant fringe, kinda punky club boy look. All at the hairstylist's persuasion.

So as usual, I went about my daily life.

Then someone commented that I look like a BAD BOY.

Hmm... Now, the word BAD BOY springs images of Harleys and leather jackets, with midnight ink shades and knuckle dusters to my mind. Couple that with hard fast racing, some rough sex and lotsa lotsa macho masculine appeal. THAT'S a BAD BOY.

Which obviously is nothing like me.

So I was just saying. People that know me will never refer to me as a bad boy in a million lightyears. I mean, seriously. I like to read, stay at home on rainy days. I like singing, dancing music. My favorite show at the moment is Glee. Like, I'm practically a poster child for everything a BAD BOY should NOT BE.

Yet one look at my hairstyle, and I'm deemed a BAD BOY.

It got me thinking. How many people have been stereotyped, one way or another, just by the way they present themselves. Just by how they look.

In a sense, people react symbiotically with their first impression, and unless certain traits point out otherwise, they actually build-up a mental perception of how you are SUPPOSEDLY like, based on their early judgment, without getting to know the person as an individual.

In short, they treat a person based on how they stereotype him/ her to be.

This is obviously not surprising. It's been going on for God knows how long. Everyone has experienced it.

In fact, a few articles have also pointed out that 'ugly' people are generally less favored in preferance for average to good-looking people:

http://www.thepolitic.com/archives/2005/04/07/beauty-and-wealth/
http://www.halfsigma.com/2007/02/the_ugliness_ta.html

Which is worrying and disturbing, since beauty is obviously a personal choice. Also, this matter will restrict the independent movement of individuality, since the advent of conventional beauty will basically compartmentalize people into categories and set beauty scales.

How will you react if an employer chooses someone deemed better looking then you for the job, even if both of you have identical resumes and working experience?

There is evidently no law to protect such people.

However, how can we quell discrimination, with the introduction of a Bill of Rights for Ugly Human Beings?

Hmmm....

Pharmacists

2010-03-31T20:52:00.005+08:00

For this semester break, I was compelled to go for attachment, either in a hospital or in a retail pharmacy. I eventually gravitated towards a hospital placement, and got a place at ABC Hospital.

Basically the hospital pharmacy follows a simple hierarchy which is then broadly divided into three pharmaceutical departments: Inpatient, outpatient and retail. Each cohort is micromanaged by two to three senior pharmacists, each in change of a smattering of assistant pharmacists.

Just a simple rundown of what each division does:

Inpatient Pharmacy:

Contains the main drug store. Manages and provides daily drug supplies for patients staying at the hospital and also the ward stocks of various expendables.

Outpatient Pharmacy:

The most commonly pictured pharmacy in a hospital, whereby patients collect their medication and leave. Involved in receiving outpatient prescriptions, cross-checking drug usage and suitability, packaging, dispensing, and at times, counseling or advice.

Retail Pharmacy:

Sells common vitamins and supplements that do not fall under the category of controlled substances. Also stocks various other products from food to candy and diapers.

*All these descriptions are based on personal observation at a particular hospital and may not apply in all scenarios*

Basically, the main job of a pharmacist is to mediate and control the flow of drugs around the hospital. Every prescription or request for medication is heavily scrutinized, documented and labeled orderly, so that each pill or bottle is accounted for, and there can be no discrepancies between supply and demand.

Also, pharmacists play a huge role in maintaining drug store, both incoming and outgoing. Meetings are held between pharmacists and doctors to determine which strand of drug will be used for a particular condition, since many generic medications are available nowadays.

The outcome is that certain pharmacies may rely heavily on one particular brand of drug, while another will differ, but basically, both drugs contain similar active ingredients and have the same efficacy.

Essentially, pharmacists (especially the ones with the authority to make such decisions) are sitting ducks for brand marketing and product competition.

Henceforth, some pharmacists actually have a very wide scope of responsibilities, and are involved in major, decisive verdicts that may NOT rattle the foundations of a hospital corporation, but may induce subtle changes within its system dynamics; Which over time will prove to be very significant indeed.

Although doctors are the ones in charged of diagnosing the disease and prescribing medication, the execution of the prescription lies eventually in the pharmacist that dispenses the drug. It is through this second firewall whereby human errors and/or impaired judgment towards drug treatment methods are corrected.

Most senior, even junior, pharmacists have an extensive knowledge of pharmacokinetics and -dynamics. By scrolling through prescriptions, they have the ability to determine what illness the patient is suffering from, and based on the medical report, regulate what medication should be dispensed to the patient.

Sometimes, the prescription may carry drugs that are ineffective for the particular condition, or that various prescribed medication may interact and cause an adverse reaction if taken together. It is mostly up to the pharmacist to pinpoint and rectify such mistakes, while notifying and discussing with the physician in charge of that particular patient.

In lieu, patient quality care is ensured.

In conclusion, pharmacists are indispensable in their roles as health care providers and servicemen. Although not outwardly as 'glamorous' as a doctor, they are capital in the management of drug-based treatments, ensuring both patient safety and physician credibility.

Unquestionably, a pharmacist's role is not limited to those mentioned in this post. Many pharmacists by degree actually branch out into various fields and exert their comprehensive knowledge into a multitude of positive channels, for example drug design. Hence, the knowledge of drugs is not static and can be incorporated into many aspects of the industry.