Choices

"You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world,

but you do have some say in who hurts you.

I like my choices. "

- John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Cassius:

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,

But in ourselves, that we are underlings."

Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)

My Coherence, My Insanity, My Clarity

"Our memory is our coherence,

our reason,

our feeling,

even our action.

Without it, we are nothing."

- Luis Bunuel

The past reverberates in the hollow halls of my heart.
Every picture, every item, every moment.

You can never find love.
It finds you, when you least expect it.

It guides you by the hand, patient yet firm
Until the muddle you encounter in the murky depths of confusion
Centrifuge into a point of clarity

Words said, actions done, yet affection was the glue that kept this ship from sinking
We trudged on into the unknown abyss
Eager yet contemplating
Jumping yet afraid of falling

For the first time in my life, every second was magical.
The simplest ramen dinners
The Sunday mornings
The cakes that lasted all afternoon and evening

I'd never want to turn away.



You asked me why I did it. Why of all days, why on the most important day.

I lied.

And you hurt.

And I said it was anger, that you were leaving.

And you hurt.

And I took it for granted.

And you hurt.

And I smashed it all.
Justified my dank actions against a backdrop of self-pity.

And. You. Hurt.

Once you're gone you will be off to chase a lifetime of dreams encapsulated in a job that will bring you around the world.

I will never know what it will be like. I will be stuck here, alone, forlorn, living in a place you hate, hanging on to shreds of memories that once so beautiful, stink of regret and sadness




Now you're gone.

And I hurt.

RISKS

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool,

To weep is to risk being called sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self.

To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive.

To love is to risk not being loved in return,

To live is to risk dying,

To hope is to risk despair,

To try is to risk failure

But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.

Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.

Only the person who risks is truly free.