We Found Love

Yellow diamonds in the light,

And we're standing side by side,

As your shadow crosses mine,

What it takes to come alive.

It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny,

But I've gotta let it go.

Shine a light through an open door,

Love and life I will divide,

Turn away cause I need you more,

Feel the heartbeat in my mind.

We found love in a hopeless place.

I wouldn't mind dancing in the dark with you,

Lasers piercing our hearts,

Conjoined as one, the bass our son,

Melting into a hypnotic furore.

Hiding My Heart Away

I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done,

And wake up to your face against the morning sun;

But like everything I've ever known,

You'll disappear one day,

So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away.

I Wish I Had Loved You More

Part of me still refuses to believe that you're gone.

I can feel it in the deadening of my emotions, an inherent sadness that has left my heart, but courses and throbs just beneath the skin.

I wish I could just cut it out.

It's taken a lot of work, but I've felt a reminiscence of the truth - a drop of the heart, a chill down the spine.

I wish I felt more.

Last night I had a dream. It was so vivid I still remember it clearly. To be honest, I blame the instinctive nature of our relationship. Innate, habitual, repetitive, fitted. As fitted as the outsides of my soul to the inner tendons and muscles of my arm.

I wish my soul could know you better.

Therein you lie, a ghost of an appendage. I remember having something to tell you. And just as a severed arm is imagined to move, I ran around calling your name.

I wish I knew you'd never answer.

But it takes more than pure determination to bring someone back. It'll take the realm of impossibility and the entire Universe to put you back into your fragile damaged body - for to accomplish such a feat would tear asunder the rigid fabric of our known existence.

I wish I had the power to.

Funnily enough, I was expecting it. Because I needed evidence. I needed to see with my own eyes, hear with my own ears, the silence that encompassed your absence. He didn't have to say anything. No words could describe the deafening presence of a life gone by. And we just stood there. Staring. Contemplating loss. Feeding grief off morose destitute. What was there else to say?

I wish I knew.

On that beautiful sunny afternoon, I ran around calling your name, knowing you would never ever answer again. Knowing that you would never walk through that door, never look me in the eye, never smile, never laugh.

You'll never ask me how was my day, never tell me what kooky thing you bought for dinner.

Never sit there and watch me eat, never keeping me company.

Never

Ever.

I ran and yelled, ran and yelled, ran and yelled.

Ran and yelled, ran and yelled,

Ran and yelled.

I ran and yelled,

But you never yelled back.

I wish I had loved you more

Back to Black

What do you do, when there's nothing left for you; When you realise that all you're grasping at are phantoms of a prime long gone. Auburn photographs ignited by the ghosts of recollection, fuelled by reminiscence, but ultimately reduced to nothing but dust.

Everyone's going home.

I want to go home.

I miss home, I truly do.

But I can't.

I can't allow the idea that when my two years here are finally up, the time I spent in this foreign land will be nothing more than a mere dream, to form and solidify into the bane of my existence.

People have asked me, why don't I go home?

I tell them I am busy with my work; That plane tickets are expensive, that time is not on my side.

Truth is, there is nothing left for me in my home country.

What will face me is the bleakness of my future, the warm lingering of a past that has hurried me by.

I don't want to taint the memories of my childhood and adolescence with my skewed, harsh, disdainful grown-up lenses.

While I'll be welcomed home by my loving and wonderful family, long-lost friends and a plethora of hearty meals, they'll eventually have their life to live, their own future to carve.

And I have mine too.

While staring into the bleak face of uncertainty, it isn't easy to relinquish the possibility of a better life elsewhere.

Better make good use of what we have now.

Better fight hard for what we want now.

Because soon, and I mean very very soon, I may be leaving on a plane.

Back to where I came from.

Back to harsh reality;

Away from the dream.

Back to black.

What Makes Winters Lonely, Now At Last I Know

Now at last I know

What a fool I've been

For I've lost the last love

I shall ever win

And/Now at last I see

How my heart was blind

To the joys before me

That I left behind

When the wind was fresh

On the hills

And the stars were new in the sky

And a lark was heard in the still

Where was I

Where was I

When the spring is cold

Where do robins go

What makes winters lonely

Now at last I know

Quote of the Day

"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."

-Aristotle

A lark can only sing so sweetly as it can fly.

Zzzzzzzzzz

I'm starting this post at 1:30 in the morning.

I just took a shower, feeling all refreshed and clean, taking a stab at blogging while my hair dries.

Each and everyone of us lives within both states of fantasy and reality; Therein the made-up world consists of our persona and sense of self, whilst hard-hitting reality bluntly slaps us in the face with facts of our shortcomings and physical limitations.

Within this chaotic emulsion comes a coalescence of self-awareness, whereby we are born and gain a perception of who we are as a human being.

There exists a fine thread, a balance, between the two states. Our personalities battle constantly with the barrage of influence consisting of our daily activities and social lives, to maintain the equilibrium, keeping us sober and accepted in the eyes of society.

When the safeguards fail or sensors become distorted, only then shall a sense of disequilibrium occur depending on which state is favoured or overpowering.

Too strong a feeling of self-entitlement or self-gratification will only lead to narcissism; An overtake of the body's sense of physical confinement only serves to highlight weaknesses and a depressed self-esteem.

Hence... yeah.

That's it.

I have no idea what else to say.

*Well, to be honest, I do have lots to say, a myriad of stuff zipping through my brain. But my fingers procrastinate, and truth be told, they do have trouble keeping up.*

And so, here lies the hanging post of the day.

Finished at 2:00 am in the morning.

Go to sleep, you say?

I'm not sleepy.

I'm really not!

I swear!

Look, my eyes are still open wide

See?

Seee????

See?

I'm not.... sleepy...

I'm... awa...ke......

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

:)