Fat Cats Live in My Abs

I believe that deep within the sub-organ packages of my anatomy, lie busty felines ready to pounce.

Fat cats live in my abs.

THAT'S right. Cats in my abs. Fat ones, nonetheless.

'But that makes no sense, there's no logic to it!'
'Oh, it is medically impossible'
'You're just making up stupid titles to get people to read your lame ass blog!'
'Mine is a dog.'

Oooohh, I can just hear all your mocking, that perverse whiny little Humbug that pervades your sick mentality. It just raucously complains and whines and gripes within your cranium, and you're obliged to follow suit. Another cog in the SOB MACHINE.

Well, plug it sister. First of all, there is logic to it, since I'm hearing it meow in hunger RIGHT THIS MOMENT (And if you would kindly place your ear to my tummy, it may graciously set off a hair-raising shriek that will permanently damage your hearing and claw at your already unpalatable face).

AAAAND, I don't make up lame ass titles just so that people will READ my BLOG! *pffffttt!!* now where would you get that idea... haha... my titles are witty... haha... aren't they?.... hahahaha... haha.h..a...ha.... *darnnit!*

By the way, everyone KNOWS that dogs can't live in your stomach. So there. *Snickers* What a DUMBASS!

*roll eyes*

So, annoying grumpy old people aside, some fat ass cats live in my gut. They need to be fed constantly, and in large amounts too! (Since there are seven of them, each morbidly obese with their own individual characteristics.)

One is called Miao, since that's about the only sound she makes, and she claws at my gut lining everytime she gets hungry (which is often, duh!). Her brother is Grrraaahhhh, since THAT'S the sound HE makes when his sister is hungry, which coincidentally makes him hungry too.

The other five are Grrrmmmp, Slish Splash, Gurgle, Uhrrmm and GiokGiok. They do make some noise at times, but are mostly silenced by the siblings, since Miao's and Grraaahhhh's arses take up 95% of leg room in my stomach anyway.

On a sidenote, Slishy doesn't like water. He complains when I drink and jump about, because it messes up his fur. (Yeah, he's the vain one. And probably gay too. Gurgle's always been known to 'back him up'. Get it? 'BACK him up'? *nudgenudgewinkwink*

So there you have it. My costly furry friends that reside within me, and that I have to carry around everywhere I go. Always crying out at the worst times, trying their best to stuff me full with edibles I don't need.

I hate them. >:(



P.S the cute emoticon above is an angry face. Can you see it? The cute > for a frown and the eyes, and the mouth. It's adorable right? haha.

I Wish

I wish that time,
Plods in my pace unison,
Instead of flying headlong.

I wish that Earth,
Stops spinning,
To contemplate life and its denizens.

I wish that night,
Would light up the sky,
For us to admire the midnight blue.

I wish that day,
Dims its glare,
To allow the stars to shine through.

I wish that life,
Would live itself,
And allow others to live through it.

I wish that death,
Wears a bell,
To hinder its silent creeping.

I wish that people,
Will stop being people,
And start being human.

I wish that the world,
Remains dormant for eternity,
In its quest for hatred and war.

Finally,

I wish that love and peace,
Wasn't a slogan,
Instead a lifestyle.

Ask Me. I May Just Destroy You. With My Answer, That Is.

It's ME Time!! (As usual.. again)

Okay okay, so what have I been up to... lets count thy ways...

Classes, classes, classes, followed by driving, driving and more driving, TV, toilet, back to TV, lunch, TV, computer, then more TV, dinner... and Voila! here I am now!

Surprise surprise!! Hopefully this turn of events did not drill it's way through the eternal regime of your junta-orientated life!! (I'm being sarcastic here. Please, tell me when it's hard to read, that I'm turning into a cantankerous old geezer)

Ok, so, seriously. Obviously this post shall not turn into another one of my E.M.O affairs or some weird poetry only Mayan sundials can decipher. Nope. No. This post shall be meaningful, insightful, entertaining and downright educational. (Maybe not educational... or entertaining, or any of the above for that matter. But hey, who's counting?)

So, lets play a game today. I'm gonna go on the Internet and find some frequently asked questions about LOVE. (That's right. Lets get into the nitty gritty of relationships and sex and all kinds of baggage crap that comes along with it.)

And lil ol' ME, is gonna answer them all. *Big fake creepy smile*

Let the questions.... BEGIN!!!

Question 1: I like my best friend a lot, but I don't wanna mess up our friendship. What should I do???

Answer: Hmm... good question. Maybe you could follow the examples of tons of people who are successfully shoving their heads right up their asses and pretending the world around them is just a pathetic illusion meant to confuse their lovestruck senses!

OR, you could take the easier route and justtell him/her/it how you feel. Obviously a good friend is a friend not smitten with you, nor trying to get into your pants.

Think of it. Being a friend is hard work. AND I DON'T mean the happy-happy-joy-joy kinda friend. I mean the real down and dirty, into the mud, kind of friend.

The kind that will be there when he needs you.

The kind that he'll share his innermost secrets and desires with.

The kind that'll call you up at 3 in the morning just to tell you somthing he's been mulling about.

The kind that'll keep telling you how wonderful his new girlfriend is.

The kind that'll tell you his latest crush, his latest date, his wedding day.

All this, while you sit hearbroken in the corner, listening to him talk about how silky smooth his new girlfriend's hair feels between his fingers.

What kind of friend are you?

What kind of LIFE is that?

Obviously the one that cannot be there 100 percent, for your mind is lingering and your heart is longing. The one that cannot fulfil dreams, be it his or yours, for your spirit is somewhere between the divider of the present and what-ifs.

So there. Friends should share everything. Even their feelings for each other. And if he/she/it is a true friend, he/she/it will produce the capacity to understand even if things do not work between you two.

So open up, and life may just throw some delightful surprises at you.

Ciao!

Next question in the next post. This post is freakin long! Sometimes I feel I talk too much...

DISCLAIMER: THIS METHOD DOES NOT NECESSARILY WORK FOR EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY THE EMO, THE PREGNANT AND THOSE WITH KIDS. FOR OTHERS, RESULTS MAY VARY.

Heehee =P

I'm Not Searching, Just Looking.

Remember when you saw those cute pair of heels, that sparkly dress, and you HAD to so try it on? You walk into the store, and the stuck-up bitch behind the counter wouldn't give you time of day. *Besides, her hair sucks. AND her shirt is too TIGHT for her. Plus, her butt STICKS OUT. so there.*

So you give her a mental finger, walk over, grab your desired, head to the dressing room.

It doesn't disappoint.

If Glam could see you now, you'll be in her definition.

Your curves meld into the sequins like supple cream, assets without being trashy, accentutating those see-ables, ironing out the kinks, dispelling rolls.

Simply fabulous.

And then you walk out, and the dress goes back on the coat rack.

Why??? Why in the dumb fark world will you do that?? Did a pitbull manage to sneak into that big ass ear hole of yours and chase it's tail in the cavity supposed to hold your brain? OMG, did someone shove something thick and hard and bullet-ready up any crevice available in your fat dumbo doughnut tire appendage you call a body?

Are you sick?
Are you broke?
Here here, take my credit card!!
Oh shit... you're dying aren't you? What is it? Cancer? AIDS? Malaria?
why? Why? WHy? WHY????? WHY??????



>
>>
>>>
>>>>



Lemme think ......................................................................

bECAUSE....


I'm not searching. Just looking.

So there.

My Refusal: Morning Star.

For has the hands of Man,
Shaped you into what divine dictates,
For has the lies they weaved,
Turned you around on your pedestal,
Into a puppet cloaked with omnience, terrifying glory.

For you do not need worship,
For I refuse to bow.
For you do not need ceremony,
For I decline to attend.

For benevolence is bestowed,
As though mother to child,
For there is nothing required to earn,
That requires redemption, falling foul.

O! They taint you,
Reeking of deceit,
Playing off foreboding,
Guttering trust.

Indoctrination, inescapable,
Until reality reveals itself,
Into the truth it really is.

Henceforth, I refuse.

Alas, save me!

However, why would a transient omnient being exist with totalitarian rule inscribed onto scrolls followed as law?

I Miss You

Advocates for our memories,
Fought for the demise of my ignorance.
Time has been cruel, to our past
We stumbled on the idiosyncrasies,
Whether it will last.

Caricatures of images,
Splash dank backdrops of silence,
Punctuated, perforatory,
Only by sudden screams of longing.

It's always harder the second time around,
Wasted by the bubbling brook,
We termed our playground.
Waves, blade sharp,
Carved their incessant swirl,
As blood pooled at our feet.

Postponed

The world premiere of "Video Phone" extended mix from Beyonce featuring Lady Gaga has been pushed back to a date later in November.

Fans were treated to a no-show after counting down with countdown clocks featured on Lady Gaga's blog and MTV News, among others.

Fans were also given a limp wrist slap in the face when MTV Buzzworthy Twitters cited technical difficulties with the music video as a lame fake pacifier to those who stayed up or waited around for the video to go on.

Looks like loyal fans were treated with a few more days of time wasting. Way to go!