Ushering

Today I attended my cousin's wedding dinner. As a close relative I had to help out and usher and seat guests. All in all, I had a fun time meeting and greeting.

Truth be told, I'm not going to delve any further into the whole wedding. I'm just out to rant, and this post is specifically designed to accommodate my mindless anger sans irritation.

As an usher, I was given a stack of paper filled with names to sort out which guest is seated at which table. Then I was to direct them to their seats when they came to the front desk and registered.

Easy, right?

Well, it obviously did NOT help that the guest's names were all screwed up, since some people were listed down as families, hence going by 'Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so', meaning that whatever GRANDMOTHER names they were coming up with were NOT A MATCH in the list UNLESS they said the name of the family patriarch.

To make matters worse, random people were listed as Mr and Ms. respectively, totally SCREWING UP the alphabetical system.

Therefore, when someone mentions their name, I have to:

1. Check the alphabetical list for their name.

2. Not there? Check the family names under 'Mr and Mrs blah blah blah'

3. STILL not there? Then check the random individuals under Mr and Ms.

4. In desperation, check the list of Datos, Datins, Drs and Profs. (Honestly, THIS too messed up the system)



To cut things short, there was this bunch of expensive-looking elderly ladies that walked in, and I was supposed to show them to their seats. There was no match for their Mandarin names, so they came up with a plethora of English names which, I guess, was how the hosts, my cousins and her parents, know them by.

From the steps above, it is evident that for every name they come up with, I have PAGES to look through. Their impatient yammering and constant grabbing for the list did NOT HELP AT ALL too. In the end, I apologized and told them I couldn't find their name.

Then my cousin's sister came to help out. She promptly looked through the list and found the lady's name.

The stupid expiring yak had the gall to turn to me, and with an imperious lilt, tyrannically declared:

'See, I TOLD you it was inside!'

Okay woman, obviously there's something you don't understand. For one, I did NOT say your name wasn't inside. I TOLD YOU I COULDN'T FIND IT. And another. While you were unable to shut your gaping trap, I was looking through hundreds of names just to find, maybe in vain hope, that I could catch a glimpse of one of the FIVE names you mentioned, UNDER DIFFERENT CATEGORIES.

THAT'S why I asked my cousin sister for help. Geddit?

But that wasn't the brunt of it. As she was walking away, she told my cousin sister 'THIS BOY IS NOT VERY GOOD.'

Excuse me?

Not very good?

Not very good IN WHAT WAY?

In the way that I'm not getting paid? In the way that I don't work as a receptionist for a living? Or maybe it's the way that I am A FAMILY MEMBER OF THE BRIDE OF THE WEDDING YOU'RE BLOODY ATTENDING, AND ALL I'M TRYING TO DO IS HELP EASE THE CROWD SURGE.

You tell me, bitch. Not very good in WHAT?

Henceforth, the moral of the story: Please treat the ushers at wedding receptions nicely, because they ARE BLARDY FAMILY MEMBERS OF THE BRIDE/ GROOM. We're not here to please you because our livelihoods depend on your sad tips.

We're just there because we value our familial relationships.

Geddit, bitch?