Driving Sense

Alex's sense of direction is almost non-existent, to the brink of fabled, categorized as fiction under the genre of fantasy.

So yes. I have absolutely no directional perspective AT ALL. NADA. ZILCH. NONE.

Sad as it seems, I get around by either: 1) Scent marking, or 2) Looking at the position of stars relative to the moon. In cases where neither work, my ailing memory picks up snippets of lifesaving memories that eventually guide me to home sweet home.

In spite of this obvious defect, I enjoy driving. It's soothing, and especially after a tiring day, screaming out songs in the car is rather therapeutic.

But that's NOT where this post is heading.

See, at times I volunteer to drive my friends around. To shop, eat or whatnot.

And at times, I get... how do you put it... SNIPPY. Which is unfortunate, and of course very unethical and impolite of me.


Well, not to offend anyone, I'll just put in some things that irk me, all in lieu of my bad sense of direction.

Usually when I drive people around, I have no idea how to get to our destination. So it's entirely up to the passengers to DIRECT ME.

NUMBER 1: Please make it clear where you want to go.

NUMBER 2: Please have a CLEAR IDEA on HOW TO GET THERE.

NUMBER 3: SPEAK UP.

NUMBER 4: Print a MAP if otherwise.




Instead of preaching, lemme just exemplify:

Z: Let's go to ABC shopping centre.

Me: Okay, but you'll have to show me the way. I don't know how to go there.

Z: Sure.

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Me: So which turning do I go into? Left or right?

Z: Errr....

Me: Reaching there already. Left or right?

Z: Hmmm... wait, let me think. Last time my mother used this road before, I've also been here a few times, but I can't remember which turning they took. Hold on ya...

Me: We're at the turning! Left or right?!

Z: Ok ok! Right right right!

Me: *Turns right*

Z: ...I think.... I'm not sure one you know

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Z: So la, I told the girl, "Bitch, you ain't got nothing on me", and she was like 'Oh, honey, you wanna taste of these killer boobbs?!" And I was like bring it on, slut! And she said....

Me: Should we take the ramp up or down?

Z: So I pulled her hair, and tramped on her ugly shit face clothes...

Me: So, ramp up or down?

Z: I broke a nail wei! Damn bitch can fiiight! She tried to report me to the authoritie...

Me: UP OR FREAKIN' DOWN???!!!!

Z: Oh... just go up la. THEN I kicked her huge ass a threatened to post up her damn naked photos... blablablabla

Me: #@%#$!!!!

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Me: Hey guys, what movie should we catch later?

Z: Oh, I don't mind XYZ, or maybe XXX.

Me: Oooooo, yeah! I heard XYZ is really good! Also wanted to watch that for quite awhile.

Z: Ya!! My gosh, it looks very nice. Did you see the trailer?

Me: Yes!!!!! The graphics are superb! I also like the storyline!

Z: Totally. Hopefully we can get tickets. Luckily today is a weekday, I don't think............. TURN LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Car swerves and ricochets just to make the sudden turning, narrowly missing a motorcyclist who slams his horn and gives us the finger. The car at the back brakes immediatly, nearly crashing into us.*

Z: SO yeah. I don't think there'll be anyone.

Me: $#@%$#!!!!!

*******************************************

Z: Can you fetch me to this place?

Me: Sure, you know how to go there?

Z: Yes. I printed out the directions.

Me: Okay, cool. Can I see the map?

Z: What map?

Me: The directions.

Z: Ooooooh, no map. It's in writing.

Me: What?! Then how am I gonna know how to go there??

Z: Relax, it's very clear. See, it says, step one go northwest towards Rara Road, then take the next roundabout into Muhmuh Road, all the time facing east. Since your destination is south bound, always keep to that particular orientation, before turning right.

Me: $##$@#$!!!!!